Jealousy, “the couple’s companion”
It’s stronger than us, as soon as we spot pretty girls in the evening, we make sure that they do not come within 30 meters of our man. Otherwise we make a scene for him when we come back. We blame ourselves for being jealous. Jealousy in the couple, a bad thing? Not necessarily. It all depends on what place she occupies in the couple.
Contrary to popular belief, it is normal in a loving couple to experience a feeling of jealousy, according to Ghislaine Paris, doctor-sexologist. “At the very least, jealousy is a universal feeling and inseparable from love. This is what differentiates a friendly relationship from a loving relationship”.
Jealousy results in a feeling of romantic exclusivity and the fear of losing the love of your partner. A legitimate fear that we need not be ashamed of since it constitutes a proof of love : “By being jealous of your partner, it means that you love him, that we find him desirable and we think that other women may in turn find him desirable. We are afraid that he will choose somewhere. someone other than us. It’s normal in this case to be jealous “. Conversely, a little jealousy is better than no jealousy at all. Because this absence of jealousy does not bode well: it means either that we are not at all in love or that we believe our partner incapable of desiring someone else.
Jealousy to stir up desire
In a reasonable dose, jealousy appears almost as “a companion of the couple” in the opinion of our specialist. She can even spice up our life as a couple ! “If the feeling of jealousy is not too intense, we can welcome it into the couple and take advantage of it,” says Ghislaine Paris. And how ? Jealousy can be part of a love game. “We show the other that we can seduce someone else. We sort of wave the red rag of the unacknowledged, to better stir up the desire of the other”. This love triangle game is a sign of good health for the couple. Provided that both know the limits not to be exceeded and trust each other.
Jealousy, “the enemy of the couple”
Problem, it happens that jealousy intrudes in the couple in an invasive way and becomes obsessive. This is where one crosses the border of acceptable and positive jealousy to fall into destructive jealousy. “When suspicion and hatred take precedence over the positive feelings of love, tenderness and kindness), it is a sign that something is wrong with the couple or that we are in the process of tipping over on the side of pathological jealousy “, explains Ghislaine Paris.
Classic symptom of sickly jealousy: verification: we listen to conversations on the sly, we discreetly look at our partner’s text messages, we check her schedule … Sandrine * is aware that her jealousy pushed her to go too far. “What I did most often was rummage through his phone, when he was in the shower or had his back turned. If something seemed strange to me then I searched more and more, until to have indisputable proof of any deception, she testifies. I even sometimes changed the access code to her voicemail so that I could listen to it discreetly from a distance. But the most diabolical thing was to discover the password of his mailbox. ” Now separated from her partner at the time, she recognizes that this “sickly jealousy [l’]had made her unhappy “.
This obsession with wanting to control the life of his companion often ends up sclerosing the life of a couple and leading to breaking up. Fortunately, the excess of jealousy is corrected. By working on yourself and self-confidence, we can get out of this destructive spiral.
>> To read also: Sick of jealousy: tips to get out of it
>> To read also: Sexual confidence, the new key to fulfilling sexuality
* The first name has been changed.
