Child psychiatrists profess a simple and compelling rule. Never lie to children, so talk to children about the vagaries of life.
Today’s world is violent. So, it is normal for our children to ask questions and for us, parents, to be helpless to answer them.
Normal life is made up of delicate moments that are already difficult to explain. But modern life has added separation: divorced couples have indeed become the majority in the city. The truth must be told, but not just anywhere, and above all, not just anyhow. Truth does not mean raw and whole truth. You have to give yourself the time and above all to rehearse, to rehearse a lot. The child needs this repetition to assimilate the vagaries of adult life.
In the event of a divorce, it is important not to convene the family council. This will be the last step. The decision must be announced separately by the father and mother, starting with the eldest. It is important to respect this order. Tone is also very important. Relaxation, humor, go badly. Just like crying. We can be sad, but above all we must not be vulnerable.
Faced with the trauma of the news, we must choose the moment. It is indeed often television that poses a problem. You can switch off – avoid talking in the pictures – but often, contrary to popular belief, the child is much less impressed than his parents. It takes time to digest, and it is often the next day that it will be necessary to return to the subject, because the child, in general, does not hide his emotions. The form is also of great importance.
And the main tip might surprise you. It is indeed a question of using the drawing, even if one is oneself a very poor artist. Let us return to the example of divorce. You have to make a kind of comic strip with your child. The first diagram shows mom and dad hand in hand to symbolize that the child is the one of love. Then comes anger. Mom and Dad are a bit far apart, but the child is still there. The third drawing evokes the separation, then finally the future, which can be evoked in a pleasant way.
Some of you must be smiling, thinking that these psychiatrists are definitely crazier than the people you treat. But think a little, and above all, try this dialogue from the drawing on a completely different subject.
In a book that you have to learn to read line by line, the Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry says: “I want my misfortunes to be taken seriously …”.
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