Avoiding lying to yourself is a constant challenge.
Self-deception, or lying to oneself, is a universal phenomenon. Whether it is because of fear, comfort, or habit, each of us is likely to tell ourselves stories to avoid facing certain realities. Recognizing our inner lies helps us find our well-being.
Becoming aware of your own lies
The first step to avoiding self-deception is to recognize that we are all susceptible to it. Self-deception can manifest itself in a variety of ways: minimizing a problem, rationalizing inappropriate behaviors, or avoiding dealing with painful feelings.
For example, a person may convince themselves that they are happy in their job, when in reality they are experiencing deep discomfort. To help with self-reflection and honesty, it can be helpful to keep a journal to record your thoughts and feelings. Taking a step back from our personal narratives allows us to spot inconsistencies and contradictions.
Strive to communicate authentically
Sharing thoughts and feelings with people you trust can provide an outside perspective and help clarify your own perceptions. By cultivating honest relationships, you can then allow yourself to be authentic and vulnerable.
In the context of relationships, for example, admitting doubts or dissatisfactions can prevent a breakup and promote healthier and more honest communication. Similarly, in the professional context, openly discussing one’s aspirations and frustrations with a trusted colleague can help realign one’s personal and professional goals.
Practice self-reflection regularly
Self-reflection is a practice that helps us better understand our motivations and behaviors. It involves regularly questioning our actions, choices, and feelings.
For example, you could take some time each week to evaluate your experiences and decisions. Ask yourself questions like, “Why did I do this?” or “Do my actions reflect my true values?” For example, if you constantly find yourself justifying yourself by saying you don’t have time for hobbies, you may realize that your excuses are keeping you from confronting your fear of failure.
Learn more: “Lies on the Couch” by Irvin D. Yalom.
