Talking about sex to stir up desire
During love, women’s words have a aphrodisiac power explosive. The harsh words whispered in your ear can actually make him think he’s the king of the world. Something to reassure and stimulate him, therefore to boost him. It’s a virtuous circle for everyone. What does it matter to be wanton, the idea is precisely to let go to have fun. Afterwards, it will be time to become a decent and respected woman again. No shame in admitting animality in oneself, in assuming one’s desires and instincts. “Enjoyment does not accommodate any limit, especially not that of words”, admits the psychiatrist and sexologist Philippe Brenot in “Le Sexe et l’amour”, (ed. Odile Jacob).
Talking about sex to prepare the ground
Talking about sex outside of intercourse allows you to remember the good times past and prepare for the next ones. Nothing more stimulating than receiving an SMS, an email, a sweet note, which sometimes increases the desire hours or days before the moment Mr.
Talking about sex when expectations are different
Talking about sex is essential when the demands do not coincide: he wants it, she doesn’t, or the reverse. There, better explain yourself before the situation explodes. For example, he wants to make love (almost) every night when she’s exhausted… She thinks he’s exaggerating, that he doesn’t understand anything, and she blames him. Why that ? It is perfectly legitimate in its expectation. “I would so much like my wife to admit my “normality”, that she does not treat me as a sex maniac because I want her or because I simply want to, confides Nicolas (42 years old) . I would just like her to recognize me as I am, in the habits of my male sex, and tell me, “It’s not your fault if I don’t want to, but in right now, I’m really not into it.”
A man to whom we say no is always afraid of being rejected, he is afraid of not being sexually assured or he imagines that we no longer love him, assures sexologist Sylvain Mimoun, “he can really feel bruised, humiliated, abandoned and, worst of all, responsible for failing to measure up. When the refusal becomes more systematic, it feels totally devalued, which is why it is necessary to put words and give meaning to this situation. »
If he blames you for your sexual past…
When you have had an intimate life before, whether as a couple or not, the past sometimes comes back like a boomerang… The new lover or the companion with whom you are now living will take this before badly, to which life has nevertheless taken charge of put an end.
What is really going on in the head of the man so full of reproaches? “In general, the new partner will focus less on the romantic past of his companion than on his sexual past, estimates Dr. Sylvain Mimoun. He is in the fantasy and feels in competition with the previous partner(s). This situation can eat him up with jealousy or paralyze him in bed, block him, literally make him “helpless”. In both cases, there is a generally very old problem of self-confidence. The successive partners imagined by the man will awaken an old wound, a feeling of abandonment or rivalry that often goes back to childhood. Also true in reverse for jealous women.
…calm things down
Either we take this fact into account and we at least avoid stirring up the jealousy of our man by more or less conscious behavior (I tickle him by evoking my romantic past and I hurt him to verify that he loves me ), or you definitely have nothing to do with it, and you subtly advise your new companion to do real psychological work. Where do his negative emotions come from? Are they related to past sibling or other rivalries? The help of a psychotherapist or a sex therapist may be necessary if the reproach is also manifested by impotence in bed.
