Breakup, serious illness, job loss or mourning… life is not always kind to us! You may know resilience, that ability to bounce back and rebuild after a hardship. This strength would find its origin in particular in the quality of early childhood attachment links (secure attachment). Psychologist Ariane Calvo, for her part, has developed the notion of vital momentum, which could translate into the singular capacity for survival. A force that we all carry within ourselves and which does not come from education, family or culture and whose origin is quite mysterious. By interviewing about thirty people endowed with a powerful vital impetus, our expert realized that all had common characteristics: an unwavering appetite for life, the ability to be amazed and to give meaning to trials, to take care of self … Hence the idea of offering exercises inspired by their ability to mobilize creative survival reflexes and thus overcome difficulties. Of course, these exercises can seem a bit ridiculous when going through a bereavement that seems insurmountable to us. Nevertheless, they allow us to connect with our life force, each at its own pace.
I reconnect with my feelings and my emotions
When we go through difficult times, our benchmarks are shattered. We feel insecure and sometimes even abandoned. It is important to focus on the body to silence the mind, which feeds our fears. We put on the mindfulness meditation, which contributes to a better self-acceptance, without trying to control anything. The principle ? Cultivate your ability to pay attention to the present moment, welcoming all the emotions and sensations available to us. The exercises thus consist in concentrating on breathing, body perceptions, sounds … To be guided, you can download a dedicated application. In addition, touch is a great way to reconnect with oneself. For example, you can treat yourself to a shiatsu massage, ayurvedic or Chinese, who goes revive our energies.
I connect with my inner child
This inner child could be the most sensitive and creative part of ourselves, the one with incredible capacities for joy. It contains resources that allow us to bounce back, that is to say to imagine ourselves after having passed the test. For this, relaxation is practiced by visualization. After taking six long inhales / exhalations, we visualize ourselves quietly descending a slide, over ten beats. At the end of this slide, there is a door. When we gently push this door, our child-self appears. What does he tell us? What does he need ? We take care of him for a few minutes: we play with him, we tell him a story … Then we prepare him for our departure by telling him that we will always be there for him and that he can call on us as soon as possible. ‘he will feel the need.
I overcome the feeling of injustice
The pain of the ordeal revolts us; it induces a (legitimate) feeling of injustice. This is often repaired by the meaning that we will give later to this ordeal, when we have passed the stage of suffering. Giving it meaning is understanding how stepping out of our comfort zone to move towards change has been beneficial. Thus, we will realize much later that this so painful divorce allowed us to expand our circle of friends, to get out of addiction or to make more daring professional choices … A little exercise: remembering an ordeal from the past ( provided it is digested) and try to understand what it has taught us. Put the benefits of this life accident on paper. This understanding allows gain calm and patience in the face of events which revolt us, affect us and whose meaning we do not understand. Of course, when this feeling of abandonment, injustice and sadness is so violent that it pulls us down, it is recommended to see a psychotherapist.
I heal my wounds in contact with nature
The smell of moss, shades of green from trees and leaves, play of light and shadow, sound of the wind in the branches … nature awakens our senses. She is beauty itself. And beauty is a source of calm. Our whole being is an inquiry of wonder: our brain knows that this participates in our emotional balance. Nature also has a healing power because it sends us back to the vital momentum, to the most untamed parts of our personality, those which escape reason. This is why it can help us rebuild ourselves when going through difficult times. Maybe we’ll just have want to walk in the forest or to walk on mountain paths. Or to scrutinize, even embrace, trees, these living beings deeply rooted in the ground and which withstand storms so well.
I fill in a creative notebook
We know the power of writing and drawing to express and transform our emotions. In “Carnet de meuil”, psychologist Nathalie Hanot offers exercises drawn from a method based on psychology,art therapy and different approaches to bereavement support – which is understood here in the sense of loss: it can be a divorce, an illness, the loss of a job … This method combines writing, drawing and collage. The exercises help us to understand what we are going through, to take a step back, to welcome our emotions … According to our desires, we can do them alone, with friends, with family or in a group. They require some accessories: colored pencils, tissue paper, dry and oily pastels … Not to mention a bank of elements (photos, memories, images …) associated with our mourning, which will be collected to be pasted in our precious notebook.
Two readings to bounce back
- The keys to vitality
Why do some people seem to bounce back better from an ordeal? This is the question that made the author, psychologist, want to write this book. It gives us ten essential keys to awaken our vital impetus.
“Finding your vital momentum”, Ariane Calvo, First editions.
- Create to get by
After a life accident, writing, drawing and collage make it possible to draw unsuspected resources from oneself. The author, psychologist, offers creative exercises associated with the different stages of mourning.
“Carnet de mourning”, Nathalie Hanot, Le Jour editions.
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