What should I do when my spouse is lying to me?

Lying is often a destructive fish in the couple. Whether it is to hide an adultery, but also a debt, an addiction or a child. Understanding why your spouse is lying allows you to adapt your behavior and set the limits of respect.

Little lies or pathological lies?

If your partner is lying to you about little everyday things, such as when he visits a friend or loses an object, it may be that he does not want to stir up your suspicion or your jealousy. In this case, do not hesitate to question yourself as to the trust and freedom you grant him. He may just be trying to make life easier for both of you.

If, on the contrary, he is lying to you on essential subjects (addiction, debts, etc.), it may be because he does not want to admit it to himself. His promises not to do it again make him a pathological liar to be wary of.

Knowing the difference between a little lie of omission or a pathological lie allows you to adapt your behavior and know when it is up to you or to him to question himself.

How to set limits?

Dealing with your spouse’s lies means above all defining your own tolerance threshold and setting strict and firm limits to the relationship. Although you have the right to give him a second chance, do not be fooled by false promises.

Asking him for sincerity and honesty is the basis of respect and the foundation of the couple. If he is not able to respect these limits, do not hesitate to take a step back by separating for a while, or by calling on a psychologist for couples in order to engage in real therapy and understand the underlying reasons for his lying.

Find out more: “The Lie in the couple: Understanding and managing, leaving or staying” by Lisa Letessier, Odile Jacob editions.