Anguished for nothing?
Is your little one going to summer camp? Immediately your brain gives, in spite of you, the “signal start” to worry. Result: you knit and unravel every possible scenario imaginable: “What if the bus had an accident? If the instructors did not have the proper training for downhill kayaking?” Everything is a matter of concern for you.
It must be said that the general context helps: terrorism, unemployment, illnesses, divorce on the rise … Enough to resurface for nothing our most intimate discomforts. Because in each anxious, there is a little girl in perpetual quest for affection. “Of this love which secures. Anxious remains the child who wishes to be reassured and protected from the dangers of life, and who seeks in others, as in herself, the signs of this security”, explains Dr. Alain Braconnier, psychiatrist.
We anticipate and we get anguished
Also, that a lover does not call at the appointed time, or that your boss speaks without his usual and illico smile, the throat tied, we translate as: “Maybe he doesn’t love me anymore” and “if he thought of firing me?”. Welcome to the realm of anticipation! This is the principle of anxiety. We are so afraid of not mastering the unknown and the events to come, that we are constantly anticipating them, rehashing them over and over. But do not panic ! This is nothing but very normal, because anxiety is a natural emotion that we all experience. It’s our survival instinct. “It serves to draw our attention to a possible problem. Thus, thanks to it, our species has escaped primitive predators”, specifies Dr Chistophe André, psychiatrist.
You have to learn to take the plunge
“It is a signal of internal distress, felt by our conscience, in the face of an internal discomfort that we still ignore (in connection with illness, sexuality, abandonment, death …), unlike fear where the danger is external and clearly identified “, adds Dr Alain Braconnier. So, take the guilt off. Especially since the problem is not so much anxiety as how to deal with it. Because knowing how to tame it makes it possible to make an asset, and especially to reassure oneself.
Find out more about anxiety.
Portraits of anxiety: Christine and Sylvie
Our character largely depends on our anxiety. Identify the portrait that most resembles you, in order to adopt the best strategy to overcome it.
Christine the creative, 51 years old
With her fairy fingers and vivid imagination, she decorated her home with a talent that leaves her nothing to envy interior designers. However, dissatisfied, she constantly retouches what she has done: “To do better”. Its goal ? Perfection. Shy, she needs to be admired. “Alas, that doesn’t reassure me when it does,” she said. She dreams of a life made of love and the absolute.
How to react
If you are like her, cultivate your pleasure in creating. You will use your anxiety positively, but you will also face your fears head-on. You are lucky to be sensitive and intuitive, find a way so that it connects you with others and does not lock you in your torments. Your imagination should not only be a refuge. Christine has, for example, created a decoration workshop for women in her neighborhood, which she runs.
Sylvie the devoted, 23 years old
“We’re moving, could you help us?” Sylvie’s friends don’t even wait for her answer. They know that she is always available and that she does everything to sort out everyone’s worries, even if it means taking care of unpleasant chores. Because what makes her anxious is precisely the lack of harmony and controversy. On the other hand, the serenity reassures her, like hearing her relatives say that she is conciliatory and pleasant to live with. Before acting, Sylvie takes advice from others and regularly follows an opinion that diverges from her own, so much she fears of displeasing and being neglected. She deplores her addiction, but needs the esteem of others to reassure herself.
How to react
Take good care of yourself, you will only support others better. Assert yourself, dare to express your ideas and your emotions, even if they contradict those of others. However, they won’t take their feelings back from you.
Help from the “shrink”
When problems big and small set in, don’t hesitate to seek help before they poison your life. You don’t treat anxiety like you heal a broken bone, but you learn to live well with it.
– Psychotherapy
Very effective, she learns to gradually and concretely face what worries you, as well as the ideas that obsess you (to find out more: www.aftcc.org).
– Psychoanalysis
Thanks to her, we go back to the roots of anxiety and we find the reasons by retracing its history. “Understanding yourself better allows you to better manage who you are. And this is not reserved for those who are doing the most badly or who have the biggest worries,” says Dr Braconnier. We are seated facing the doctor, rather than lying on the couch, because “the anxious need an accompanying gaze, landmarks, security,” he adds.
To help you gain serenity, read “Anxiety: Strategies for Reassurance”.
Find out more about anxiety.
Healing with plants
To calm anxiety gently, certain plants and homeoapthia are also indicated:
– Herbal medicine
Hop flowers contain active ingredients with relaxing properties and its essential oil has sedative properties (Arkocaps® hops, Arkopharma, sold in pharmacies and drugstores). Hawthorn attenuates emotionality, feelings of oppression and nervousness (Elusanes® hawthorn capsules, in pharmacies).
– Homeopathy
Five components are generally recommended: Valeriana officinalis 5CH, Ignatia amara 5CH, Hyoscyamus niger 4CH, Crocus sativus 4CH and Silicea 5CH. They are synthesized in a single tablet, to be taken two to four times a day depending on the symptoms felt. For occasional support and to calm an anxious state the day before an important event, then an hour before, consider a relaxing treatment such as Dolirelax, Dolisos, in pharmacies.
What about the drugs?
When talking is not enough, medication is really relieving. It is therefore very important to know how to accept taking it. The new generation of antidepressants (Deroxat®, Effexor®, Prozac®) – which, despite their name, do not only treat depression – is particularly effective, especially as it does not cause dependence or memory loss, unlike anxiolytics. Nevertheless, over a short period (three to eight days), these are quite appropriate to alleviate the occasional anxiety of the driving license, of a speech, etc.
To read
“Small or large anxious”, Dr A. Braconnier. ed. Odile Jacob, 23.50 euros.
“A golden mind”, Marielle Jimenez Destefanis, ed. Jean-Claude Lattès, 15 euros.
“Small anxieties and big phobias”, Dr Christophe André, ed. du Seuil, 19.50 euros.
“Anxiety, Phobias and Panics”, Elaine Sheehan, ed. I have Lu, 4.75 euros.
Find out in the following chapters which anxiety profile you correspond to.
Portraits of anxiety: Laure and Valérie
Laure the Thoughtful, 33 years old
Laure is a college librarian. Although she is very reserved and rather strict, the students appreciate her because her files are a gold mine for their presentations. Her work is as polished and perfect as possible, as it allays her doubts – which she expresses about everything, including herself and her feelings for others. Consequences: Laure is perpetually indecisive and often lost in thought. “Did I say the right thing? Am I right to cook a fish for the family lunch?”
How to react
“His anxiety evokes that of the child in search of his identity and his autonomy, when he acquires cleanliness and learns to walk, asking the other for support and at the same time not wanting to expect anything from it,” explains Dr Braconnier. If you are in this case, your reflections must absolutely lead to action and concrete projects. Force yourself to make decisions. Your choice is made, don’t come back. It was the best. Let yourself go to more lightness and be attentive to your desires, this will not take anything away from your integrity. Paradoxically, thinking and doubting are your strength, because by questioning yourself about yourself, you get to know yourself better.
Valérie the hyperactive, 40 years old
Contrary to popular belief, some extroverts are anxious. Petulant and impatient in the morning, Valérie starts at three hundred miles an hour. Stylish in no time, she also prepares her children dry, drops them off at school – often early – then runs to work. Press officer, she connects files and meetings with excitement, and seeks to surpass herself professionally. She is quite confident in herself, but still needs to be recognized and to feel loved by others. Doing nothing annoys him.
How to react
Of all the anxious, she is the best equipped to fight, because “the action is both the reflection of her anxiety and the remedy to calm her. She wants to feel alive because she is afraid of not existing. Unconsciously, buried deep within herself, lurks an anguish of death, ”explains Dr Braconnier. If, like her, dynamism is your strength, do not try to slow down your pace, as long as it remains stable. If you go from two to five coffees per day, if fatigue or insomnia appear, you will have exceeded the threshold of the lifesaving remedy. To overcome your anxiety, focus on finding out what concrete fear is behind it and what is its origin.
Take our test: How anxious are you?
