During pregnancy, psychological mechanisms are put in place to protect future parents against the idea of a sick baby or a possible death.
In France each year, there are approximately 7 deaths per 1000 births. Pregnancy, often crowned with a positive image, makes us forget the risk of malformation, miscarriage or perinatal death. Yet it is a reality that many couples go through.
Why is perinatal death so taboo?
Whether it is a miscarriage, a medical termination of pregnancy (IMG), stillbirth or in the days that follow, losing a baby is still very often taboo and pushes many couples to keep silent. This behavior is explained by the psychological mechanisms which are at play during pregnancy and which prevent the representation of a sick or dead baby.
For many parents, it is not an option to accompany their children in death, especially since he has not yet been born. Then comes a feeling of guilt and shame, especially on the mother’s side, and a search for responsibility to explain the inexplicable.
Breaking the silence to talk about his suffering
The environment is often decisive in perinatal bereavement. When the drama is over, he often tries to minimize or reassure (“you will have more” for example), but for the parents who are going through this mourning, the emptiness and the feeling of injustice can persist.
This is why many couples remain silent and think that if they don’t talk about it they will forget. However, going through perinatal bereavement means accepting that things are going badly and going through different phases such as denial, anger and sadness before getting better. Being able to talk about it to your spouse and especially to a health professional such as a gynecologist, a midwife, a psychologist, a psychiatrist or your doctor is necessary during this period which should not be neglected or killed.
Find out more: “Overcoming the death of the expected child” by Élisabeth Martineau, Chronique sociale editions.
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