Show your feelings and listen to each other!
Everyone gets into conflict from time to time. This in itself does not have to have negative consequences and can even have a clarifying effect. The only question is, how do you stay calm? Counting to ten is a common advice. But there are more tips.
Conflict or irritation
It feels like a conflict, but maybe it’s just a minor irritation. Sit or lie down quietly and think about the ‘conflict’. How does it feel and what thoughts come to mind? You may become angry, but it may also be that you ‘suddenly’ notice that it is really just something small. By distancing yourself from the problem, you look at it more neutrally and you can solve it more calmly.
Negotiate and say ‘no’
If you have a conflict with someone, it often feels like a threat. After all, your interests and wishes are not taken into account. It feels like you are losing the battle and the other is wielding power over you. Very annoying, but try to avoid falling into a victim role. If you do not agree with something, that is your right and you are free to make your own decisions. Negotiate a solution or simply say ‘no’.
Put yourself in the other person
We are all different people with different opinions and behaviors. We know that, but we don’t always take this into account in a conflict. Suppose you have a conflict, look at the situation from the other side. Don’t immediately think there is a conflict.
Be concrete
You probably recognize it. When arguing, both parties often use words like ‘always’ and ‘never’: I always have to call or you never call me! Or the person is played: you are so closed! Sometimes there are even threats. Really, you won’t get anywhere with that. It is better to remain calm and to state specifically what you want or expect from the other person. Be clear and start your sentence with ‘I’: “I would like it if you call me a little more often.”
Ring the bell
It is not easy to discuss a conflict. We prefer to postpone that as long as possible. Suppose you get hurt or you hurt the other person, it will only get worse. That’s how you think, but that’s not how it works. Ring the bell before the tension really gets too high and calmly tell us what the problem is for you.
Learning from criticism
It happens to all of us sometimes that a comment from someone hits you hard. Don’t attack, but ask yourself why someone is saying this. The blame usually revolves around your behavior, not you as a person. You can learn from good criticism. Everyone has positive and negative sides. Therefore, dare to face your negative sides.
Not me, but us
Instead of arguing, it is much better to talk about solutions. You don’t do this by talking in the ‘I’ and ‘you’ form. Think and talk in the ‘we’ form: “How can we best manage our finances?”. You will notice that the other person reacts much calmer.
show feeling
It is not easy to show your feelings. After all, you might be hurt even more. Yet it doesn’t work that way. By showing your feelings and listening to the other person, the conflict will be resolved sooner. “It doesn’t feel good at all that we are arguing. What can we do about this together?”.
know yourself
You know yourself like no other. Before you launch ‘the attack’, think about how you will react. Is it the custom that you always cry? Or do you get angry after just one sentence? If you know how you react during a conflict, you can choose a different reaction in advance. Say to yourself “I’m not going to cry, just keep calm” or “I’m not getting… angry, but start a conversation’.
