Talking about sex to stir up desire
During love, women’s words have a aphrodisiac power explosive. The raw words whispered in the hollow of his ear can actually make him believe that he is the king of the world. Enough to reassure and stimulate him, and therefore dope him. It’s a virtuous circle for everyone. It does not matter to be wanton, the idea is precisely to let go in order to have fun. Afterwards, it will be time to become a decent and respected woman again. No shame in admitting animality in oneself, in assuming one’s desires and instincts. “Enjoyment does not accommodate any limit, especially not that of words”, admits the psychiatrist and sexologist Philippe Brenot in “Sex and love” (ed. Odile Jacob).
Talking about sex to prepare the ground
Talking about sex outside of sexual intercourse allows you to remember the good times and prepare for the next ones. Nothing could be more stimulating than receiving an SMS, an email, a sweet ticket, which sometimes raises the desire for hours or days before the moment M.
Talking About Sex When Expectations Are Different
Talking about sex is essential when the demands do not coincide: he wants, she doesn’t, or vice versa. There, better explain yourself before the situation explodes. For example, he wants to make love (almost) every night when she is exhausted … She finds that he exaggerates, that he does not understand anything, and she is angry with him. Why that ? It is perfectly legitimate in its expectation. “I would like so much that my wife admits my ‘normality’, that she does not treat me as sexually obsessed because I want her or because I just want her, confides Nicolas (42 years old) . I would just like her to recognize me as I am, in the habits of my male sex, and say to me, “It’s not your fault that I don’t want to, but this moment, I’m really not in it. “
A man to whom we say no is always afraid of being rejected, he is afraid of not ensuring sexually or he imagines that we no longer love him, assures sexologist Sylvain Mimoun, “he can really feel bruised, humiliated, abandoned and, worst of all, responsible for falling short. When the refusal becomes more systematic, he feels totally devalued, that’s why we must put words and give meaning to this situation. “
If he blames you for your sexual past …
When we have had an intimate life before, as a couple or not, the past sometimes comes back in a boomerang … The new lover or the companion with whom we now live will badly cope with this before, which life has nevertheless taken care of. put an end to.
What is really going on in the mind of a man so full of blame? “In general, the new partner will focus less on his partner’s romantic past than on her sexual past,” says Dr. Sylvain Mimoun. He is in the fantasy and feels in competition with the previous partner (s). This situation can eat away at him with jealousy or paralyze him in bed, block him, make him literally “helpless”. In either case, this is a generally very old problem with self-confidence. The successive partners imagined by man will awaken an old wound, a feeling of abandonment or rivalry that often dates back to childhood. It is also true in the opposite direction for jealous women.
… calm down
Either we take this into account and we at least avoid arousing the jealousy of his man by more or less conscious behavior (I titillate him by evoking my past in love and I hurt him to verify that he loves me. ), or there is definitely nothing to do with it, and we subtly advise our new companion to do real psychological work. Where do their negative emotions come from? Are they related to past sibling or other rivalries? The help of a psychotherapist or a sex therapist may be necessary if the complaint is also manifested by impotence in bed.
