“As far as I can remember, I’ve always felt bad about my body, out of step with other little boys my age: we didn’t have the same tastes or the same games, the same desires. Already in kindergarten, almost all my friends were girls, I only felt good in their company. In primary school, it became more difficult, because the other boys called me a “tomgirl”, made fun of me, of my Chipie school bag.
In college, I continued to be with girls, benevolent, sweet and delicate. The hardest time was during physical education class, when I had to go to the boys’ locker room. I felt out of place, I had nothing to say to them. Then I fell in love with a girl, probably to do like the other boys. The arrival of puberty was a shock. I had a very bad experience with the appearance of masculine features, hair growth… I spent entire evenings depilating myself with tweezers, hair after hair. Compassionate, my mom even ended up buying me wax strips…
At 18, I made my first coming out
To camouflage the marks of virility, I started to wear makeup, to let my hair grow, to dress in an androgynous way. When I was 18, I came out for the first time by telling my friends and family that I was gay. I thought it would relieve me, but it didn’t.
I then understood that the problem was not there. For three years, I pursued the quest for myself, to discover who I was, to continue to evolve. I had platinum blonde hair down to my lower back, I wore makeup, wore feminine clothes… I had a few romantic relationships with heterosexual men who didn’t consider me a boy, which is probably why I felt so good with them. But it wasn’t until I met transgender people that I understood. Listening to them felt like I was hearing my own story. However, I waited to be hired to make my second coming out and announce that I felt like a girl.
I’m waiting for facial feminization plastic surgery
I found a consultation specializing in the care of transgender people and I consulted a psychiatrist there, in order to be sure that I was not crazy, that what I felt could indeed exist. Some months later, an endocrinologist prescribed me a hormone treatment to erase the male side and developing feminine aspects.
I was able to choose the formula that worked best for me and that, in my opinion, reduced the risk of side effects: application of estrogen cream every day and injection of testosterone blockers once a month. After six months, my breasts started to grow, my skin was softer, I had less hair, it was like a rebirth.
So I continue. For the past year, I’ve been going to the speech therapist every week to feminize my voice and I’m looking forward to facial feminization plastic surgery (FFS) to blur my jawline and my nose, which I find too marked. Then it will be a light mammoplasty and, eventually, a vaginoplasty”.
Read also :
- Bisexuality: putting an end to prejudice
- Bisexual people in poorer health than others
- Sexual minorities don’t trust their doctor
