Respect their modesty
The “first time” is first of all a meeting with the other. In the minds of parents, feelings are sometimes overshadowed by a legitimate worry about sexually transmitted diseases or the risk of premature pregnancy. However, an experience emptied of “meaning”, lived only on the mechanical level, even with brutality, can leave bitter disappointments. The “first time” will be all the more fulfilling as it will have been preceded by a long complicity. This is one of the first messages for your teenager.
In general, however, let the confidences come to you. His first time is his story, and you might not know. Or long after only … Don’t be affected: it’s normal, it is after all his secret garden. And remember that, when you were younger, you probably did not go to the rooftops to cry out: “That’s it, I did it!” Moreover, 70% of teens believe that their sexuality does not concern their parents. Do not ask them more on the pretext that in family we have to tell each other everything or that you have always been very close. Especially since the Oedipus complex tends to reactivate in adolescence. The mother (for the son) or the father (for his daughter) must therefore not shield this new love. Still, your teen must be informed in time.
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We inform them without going into detail
As puberty approaches, explain to your daughter the cycles, intimate hygiene and the transformations that await her: more developed chest and hips, hair growth … And reassure her that she is normal. If she wants to go to a gynecologist, let her see the doctor of her choice, not necessarily yours. Thus, when the time comes, she will be informed of the means of contraception existing and familiar with the risks involved. If she is not interested in it, it is because she is not ready: do not insist. You can nevertheless offer him a book on the subject.
If you have a boy, it is more often his father to address these questions, if his son asks him for details: erections, first ejaculations, condom… But don’t be deluded too much, boys prefer to get information from their friends, or even in videos. It’s up to you to intervene to bring it back to reality: the relationship between a man and a woman fortunately gives more importance to emotions. As for condoms, you can leave an already open box available, without making apothecary accounts …
If your teen asks you questions, no need to go into the details of your “first time”. What matters is the climate, the atmosphere or the feelings: “I too was afraid”, “afterwards I was no longer the same” … You can also provide him with anatomical explanations of general order. For example: there is little bleeding when the hymen breaks; it is normal that, the first time, women do not always reach orgasm. Spare him exhaustive descriptions like wry “beware, all men are …” reflections. Leave it its freshness and its illusions. Now this is his life.
Read also:
Teens: do they have sex too early?
