Between our children, jealousy is a rolling business. Nothing more normal ! It goes back to the day when our youngest had the boldness to show the tip of his nose and occupy the arms of mom, to monopolize the attention of dad and to steal from the elder this cradle which he did not occupy. yet more. “We all have the fantasy of being unique and alone to count for those around us, recognizes Professor Marcel Ruffo, child psychiatrist. It is therefore normal that when a new baby arrives, this other emerges as a rival who will deprive the elder of his parents’ attention. “
Destroyer, that feeling of jealousy? Not at all, according to the specialist: “We always have the impression that jealousy is a devastating feeling. However, it is also a very positive feeling. This is what a child expresses his will to become stronger than another to whom he attributes great qualities. “
Not just the elder
Jealousy is not the prerogative of the elder: the younger defends himself quite a bit in this area. “If the elder is jealous of the attentions given by his parents to the younger one, the younger one regards the older one as ‘the stronger’, who had the chance to experience things with his parents before he himself did. appears ”, specifies the specialist. And when a third thief enters the dance, the middle child is not left out: “He is caught between this big one who has the right to lead and this little one who is the most pampered. And wonders what is his place. What matters is not so much to make this feeling of jealousy disappear as to make sure that it becomes a driving force for the child and that he progresses.
Three critical thresholds
Between 3 and 6 years old . At this age, the foundations of affectivity are in full swing and the relationship with parents is heavy with affect.
Adolescence. At this time when feelings are heightened, teens may think that a parent has a preference. What’s more, some teens may transfer the oedipal passion to their brother or sister and mask their feelings with jealousy.
Unisex siblings. Jealousy is much stronger between two girls or between two boys. The difference between the sexes protects them, since children see that they are not “comparable” at the base.
To read : Brothers and sisters, a sickness of love, by Marcel Rufo and Christine Schilte, Paperback.
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