Every word counts in the parent-child relationship, and taking a caring approach can make all the difference.
- Parents’ words can harm a child’s self-image.
- It is important to teach children to identify and manage their emotions.
- Comparisons with brothers or sisters should be avoided at all costs.
Parents naturally want the best for their children, but despite their best intentions, sometimes certain words hurt or stress the youngest. These words, sometimes spoken in the heat of the moment, can leave lasting marks on the child’s self-esteem. However, with a little vigilance and understanding, it is possible to adopt a more positive and constructive communication.
Choose your words carefully
Words have immense power, especially when they come from the most important people in a child’s life: their parents. Sometimes, phrases like “You’re slow” or “You’re a little monster” may seem harmless, but they can deeply damage their self-image.
Before the age of six, self-esteem is largely built through the eyes of parents. Instead of saying, “Leave me alone,” it’s more beneficial to say, “I’m busy right now, but I’ll be available for you in a few minutes.” You’re showing your child that they’re important, while also setting clear boundaries.
Encourage the expression of emotions with caring listening
It’s natural for a child to experience intense and sometimes difficult emotions. However, asking him to suppress them with phrases like “Stop crying” or “Don’t be a baby” can make him feel misunderstood or ashamed of his feelings.
When your child is experiencing a strong emotion, it is essential to greet it with empathy. For example, if he is crying because he is afraid, instead of minimizing his fear, it is better to say to him: “I see that you are afraid, it is normal. I am here for you.” This type of response reinforces the trust he has in you and teaches him to identify and manage his emotions in a healthy way.
Avoid comparisons to value who he is
Comparing him to his siblings or other children is far from harmless and can, again, harm his self-confidence. Phrases like “Look how fast your sister is” or “Why aren’t you as calm as your brother?” create an unhealthy sense of competition that can make him feel less loved or less competent.
Instead, it’s more constructive to focus on his progress. For example, you can say, “I saw that you managed to finish your drawing all by yourself, that’s great progress!” This way, you recognize his efforts and encourage him without comparing him to others.
Learn more: “Parent without getting upset – Getting out of conflicts without stress or shouting” by Isabelle Filliozat.
