Recognizing the signs of control is a crucial first step in freeing yourself from a toxic relationship.
Psychological control, although often invisible, leaves deep marks on the person who is the victim. Unlike physical violence, control involves subtle strategies to weaken, isolate and control the other. Learning to detect these signs not only allows you to protect yourself, but also to support those who may be suffering from them.
Recognizing an asymmetrical relationship
Among the early signs of control, asymmetry in the relationship appears when one partner exercises disproportionate control over the other. This results in the systematic misappropriation of decision-making power.
Constantly feeling limited in one’s daily choices or arousing anger or distress in one’s partner at the slightest initiative can indicate a controlling relationship. Control can also manifest itself in financial aspects or in the management of social activities, where the partner who uses the influence chooses with whom and when the other can interact.
Humiliation and constant devaluation
Contempt and devaluation are common tools used to maintain control. They can take the form of sarcasm, derogatory nicknames or incessant criticism. Phrases like “You’re useless, you’re not doing anything right” or hurtful comparisons aim to damage the victim’s self-esteem.
In public, these behaviors manifest themselves through humiliating remarks or mockery aimed at destabilizing and strengthening the attacker’s control. A partner who constantly downplays successes or ignores their victim’s needs fuels this toxic climate.
Isolation and emotional manipulation
Isolation is also a frequent strategy of psychological control. The attacker seeks to distance the victim from her loved ones, claiming that her friends or family do not understand her or wish her harm. As a result, the person under the influence finds themselves increasingly dependent on the abuser for emotional support.
Manipulation can also include gaslighting, a reality distortion technique that causes the victim to doubt their own perceptions. For example, phrases like “You always remember things wrong” or “You’re too sensitive” aim to make the other person confused and vulnerable.
If you suspect that you or a loved one are being abused, do not hesitate to seek help.
Learn more: “What is right-of-way?” by Anne Clotilde Ziégler.
