Even without having given birth to her child, the bond of attachment develops between parents and adopted children.
Just as in biological parenthood, adoption is a meeting between the child and his parents whose attachment can be obvious or build up over time. Preparing this moment on both sides makes it easier to build.
The importance of preparation
As for the adoptive parents, the delay of several months between the request for approval and its obtaining can sometimes be experienced as a real psychological pregnancy which prepares them to welcome their future child. This time, which can be long for some, allows you to prepare both materially and psychically and finally to make yourself available for the meeting to come.
For children, preparation is also essential in the institution in which they are placed. Whether it’s the nursery nurses or the educators, talking to the child about his future adoption, according to his age, in a simple way and with understandable words, allows him to answer his questions and accompany him in this important step. which consists not only of leaving one’s place of residence but also of projecting oneself with one’s new family.
Setting up a secure attachment
An attachment considered “good” is a secure attachment that allows the child to find within himself sufficient resources to trust and accept the benevolence of a stranger. It is generally around 12 to 18 months that this attachment is built, often weakened by abandonment.
If for some the attachment is obvious from the moment they meet, the longer the child will have been deprived of official parents or parental figures, the more time it will take for them to build with their adoptive parents. The bond of trust must thus be built on both sides so that the child feels sufficiently secure and lets go of the family relationship.
Find out more: “Attachment and adoption: Practical tools for parents” by Deborah Gray and Johanne Lemieux, De Boeck editions.
.
