How can I be heard when my child is under 3 years old?

Before this age, the brain is in formation and does not yet allow him to control his gestures, his emotions and his thoughts. However, even though he knows he shouldn’t do something, he has trouble restraining himself, and needs the adult to teach him how to control himself.

Why can’t toddlers control themselves?

Before the age of 3, the child is centered on his needs. For him, only the sensations count, in particular the search for his pleasure. The toddler has difficulty understanding the needs of adults, such as the importance of getting dressed quickly or eating now.

Three years is also the age of affirmation. The child discovers that he is a whole person, and that he can decide certain things. When denied, he struggles to manage his frustration and negative emotions.

Setting boundaries to be heard

To help him develop and better manage his emotions and behavior, it is important to set limits. A child who grows up with clear and age-appropriate rules develops enough emotional security to help him structure himself and adapt his behavior.

The parent is in the best position to set the rules

The fewer the rules, the more effective they are, and must be applied equally by both parents. To help your child respect them, here are several tips:

• Make sure the rules are well understood by explaining and emphasizing what is important;
• Stand at your child’s level and look him in the eye to speak to him clearly, putting your hand on his shoulder to get his attention;
• Offer several choices to let him assert himself, while controlling the limits;
• Praise him when he behaves well to encourage him to continue.

Conversely, giving physical punishment is humiliating for the child and makes him feel that he has no value. A child who is regularly hit is more likely to be violent with others.

Find out more: “Your child from 1 to 3 years old: Quarter by quarter, the two most important years of his life” by Anne Bacus, Pocket Marabout editions.