Dating sites: “A dangerous trap for borderline people”

Because they are psychologically vulnerable, people suffering from borderline personality disorder are particularly unsuited to the many dating sites available on the Internet today. Drawing on his experience, psychotherapist Pierre Nantas takes stock of this phenomenon.

Dating sites: what are the health dangers for borderline people?

“People with borderline personality disorder, who often struggle with a poor self-image and a panic fear of abandonment, become ideal targets on dating sites for narcissists and other manipulative seducers,” explains the borderline disorder specialist first.

“On platforms where choices are based primarily on appearance, these patients who prioritize authenticity and depth of feelings risk a real loss of self-esteem as well as the reactivation or reinforcement of abandonment syndrome and the feeling of rejection,” he also indicates.

“The rapid eroticization of exchanges on online dating sites, particularly with requests for “nudes” (naked photos), can also generate a form of guilty addiction and exacerbate an underlying sexual disorder in borderline people,” he adds.

“Moreover, jealousy crises, suicide attempts and all other types of extreme behavior become frequent in these patients when the reality of fleeting relationships does not meet the deep needs of the borderline.”he explains. “Finally, the illusion of perfection often conveyed by online profiles creates unrealistic expectations and romantic disillusionment, exacerbating their emotional deficiency,” he completes.

Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Find Love?

Finally, the psychotherapist gives some advice to borderline people who want to find love. “People with borderline traits should avoid dating sites that function like a catalog, that is, where you review profiles to “like” or “zap” impulsively according to criteria that are often superficial and without real reflection,” he believes.

“To avoid falling into the traps set by a narcissistic pervert or wanting to save a passive-aggressive, it is essential for patients to maintain control of the encounter”also recommends Pierre Nantas. “Rather than frequenting dating sites, joining an amateur theater troupe, a dance club, an association or a choir will give the borderline individual the opportunity to take the time to get to know the person before considering a commitment,” he concludes.

What is borderline personality disorder?

“Borderline personality disorder is characterized by hyperemotionality and hypersensitivity,” indicates the Toulouse University Hospital.

To make the diagnosis, 5 of the 9 criteria below must be present:
– a very unstable mood and very reactive to what is happening around you.
– Moments of great anger or difficulty controlling your anger.
– A repetition of suicidal thoughts, suicidal behaviors or self-harm.
– Impulsiveness in behaviors that can be risky or even dangerous for you (such as taking drugs, drinking heavily or putting yourself in sexual danger, for example).
– A chronic feeling of emptiness and boredom.
– A fear of being abandoned by those around you and a great sensitivity to the perception of separation or rejection.
– Unstable relationships with alternating between idealization and devaluation of people.
– An image of yourself that changes often.
– Time-limited episodes of persecutory thoughts or dissociative symptoms.