Couple: Being Good Friends
“To be a good couple, you have to be good friends. Respect is essential.
“It’s easy to be affectionate when you’re in a good mood. But the real concern for the other is to be able to show tenderness, or at least fair play, even when you’ve gotten up. left foot. As for concessions, they are indispensable.
But if Monsieur continues to come home from work every evening at 9 p.m. and to spend his Sundays at football, any normal woman is entitled to complain… even to leave after a few years.
Couple: each his own territory
In order not to suffocate and exacerbate power relations, it is necessary to keep personal moments alongside shared time. Sometimes agreeing an evening alone with friends, but also delimiting the common territory according to tastes and skills: the garden is your business, the decoration, my pleasure.
Two fatal slopes threaten the couple: to live glued to each other in a relationship charged with tenderness, but without eros for lack of distance, or to allow a gap to settle which no longer allows the meeting of hearts and bodies.
The only winning recipe is the happy medium: reserve moments of proximity, while safeguarding its autonomy.
Couple: dare to speak
To communicate is to talk about oneself, leaving the fusional “one” that maintains the vagueness. Alas, our upbringing did not teach us to say “I”. Frequently, we skew: “Don’t you find this film interesting?”, rather than clearly expressing our desires: “I would very much like to go see this film with you.”
Only an open dialogue – in which everyone expresses their motivations while opening up to the other’s point of view – allows understanding and agreement on life choices. Beware, however: wanting to communicate at all costs leads to pressure on the other to push him to speak. This is not the correct method. His word will come out if he feels that he is really being offered a space to listen, to pay attention to himself. Love then emerges stronger from these privileged exchanges: “I can only entrust all of this to you.” And the more things we tell each other, the more things we have to say to each other…
>> To discover also: Test: what do you expect from the couple
Couple: do not fear conflict
Loving someone or admiring them does not mean agreeing with them on everything. True exchange sometimes involves conflict. When a man and a woman each have a strong personality, what could be more normal? Emptying the abscess as soon as it forms avoids the acerbic reflections which poison the atmosphere. And if the tone rises, a little humor helps to de-dramatize.
It’s often because we talk too late that we break out. “If you do not express your feelings, your desires, frustrations develop, giving rise to the spirit of revenge, deplores Michèle Callet, PRH trainer (personality and human relations). Instead of equality and complementarity , we end up with a relationship of rivalry.
>> To read also: 5 unexpected tips for arguing well
Couple: operation seduction
When we love each other, we are tempted to believe that being happy together goes without saying. We may know that love is a flower that needs to be watered every day, we fail to do so. We mostly share moments as exciting as shopping or calculating taxes. We let ourselves go: where did the sexual parade of the first times go?
To avoid this vision of horror, we must resist letting go. Always make efforts to please him, above all do not consider that he has been conquered once and for all. In-dis-pen-sa-ble: imposing moments for both of you is the “oxygen” of the couple. Be careful, you have to do it soon enough! Afterwards, we don’t even want to. Why not remarry each year, on the anniversary date of the event or the meeting? A good opportunity to celebrate… and a clean slate, forgiving all the wrongs of the past year.
Keep admiring each other
And tell him. Even if we ask him for a little availability, we don’t expect the person we love to give up on his goals, his projects, his dreams. We need to be proud of her and to feel that we can make her happy.
“When I cook a special dish to please him, I really have to insist on getting his approval, regrets Mylène. He replies: “If I don’t say anything, it’s because it’s good”. Poor man , he did not understand that compliments are a love potion… Never forget to tell your man how useful his shelves are to you.
