Couple: being good friends
“To be a good couple, you have to be good friends. Respect is essential.
“It’s easy to be affectionate when you’re in a good mood. But the real concern of the other is to be capable of tenderness, or at least fair play, even when you stand up. left foot, and concessions are essential.
But if Monsieur continues to come home every evening at 9 p.m. from work and spend his Sundays playing football, any normal woman is entitled to complain … or even to leave after a few years.
Couple: each his own territory
In order not to suffocate and not exacerbate power relations, we must keep personal moments alongside shared time. Sometimes granting yourself an evening alone with friends, but also delimiting the common territory according to tastes and skills: the garden is your business, decoration, my pleasure.
Two fatal slopes threaten the couple: living glued to each other in a relationship loaded with tenderness, but without eros for lack of distance, or letting a ditch settle that no longer allows the meeting of hearts and bodies.
The only winning recipe is the happy medium: reserve moments of proximity, while safeguarding your autonomy.
Couple: dare to speak
Communicating is talking about yourself, getting out of the fusional “one” that keeps things vague. Sadly, our upbringing did not teach us to say “I”. Frequently, we skew: “Don’t you find this film interesting?”, Rather than clearly expressing our desires: “I would very much like to go see this film with you.”
Only an open dialogue – in which everyone expresses their motivations while opening up to the other’s point of view – makes it possible to understand each other and to agree on life choices. Beware, however: wanting to communicate at all costs leads to putting pressure on the other to push him to speak. This is not the right method. His words will spring up if he feels that he is really being offered a space to listen, to pay attention to himself. Love then emerges from these privileged exchanges: “It is only to you that I can entrust all this.” And the more we tell each other things, the more things we have to say to each other …
>> Also to discover: Test: what do you expect from the couple
Couple: do not fear conflict
Loving or admiring someone does not mean agreeing with them in everything. Sometimes the real exchange is through conflict. When a man and a woman each have a strong personality, what could be more normal? Emptying the abscess as soon as it forms avoids the sharp reflections that poison the atmosphere. And if the tone rises, a little humor helps to play down.
It is often because we speak too late that we burst. “If you do not express your feelings, your desires, frustrations develop, giving rise to the spirit of revenge, deplores Michèle Callet, PRH trainer (personality and human relations). Instead of equality and complementarity , we end up with a relationship of rivalry. “
>> To read also: 5 unexpected tips to have a good fight
Couple: seduction operation
When we love each other, we are tempted to believe that it goes without saying to be happy together. No matter how well we know that love is a flower that needs to be watered every day, we fail to do so. We especially share such exciting moments as shopping or calculating taxes. We let go: where did the sexual parade of the early days go?
To avoid this vision of horror, we must resist carelessness. Always make an effort to please him, especially not to feel that he has been conquered once and for all. In-dis-pen-sa-ble: imposing moments for both, it is the “oxygen” of the couple. Be careful, you have to do it early enough! Afterwards, we don’t even want to anymore. Why not remarry each year, on the anniversary date of the event or meeting? A good occasion to party … and a clean slate, forgiving all the wrongs of the past year.
Continue to admire the other
And tell him. Even if we ask him for a little availability, we do not expect the person we love to give up his goals, his projects, his dreams. You need to be proud of her and to feel that you can make her happy.
“When I cook a special dish to make him happy, I really have to insist on getting his approval, regrets Mylène. He answers:” If I don’t say anything, it’s good. “Poor man , he didn’t understand that compliments are a love potion … Never forget to tell your man how useful his shelves are to you.
