47% of French people have already lacked sexual desire according to an Ifop survey carried out in 2019 with more than 1,900 men over the age of 18.
Are you going through a stressful or tiring period on a professional and / or personal level? Your attention is then no longer focused on your sex life and this is completely normal. With too much overwork or a mental load, the desire can quickly fade. But isn’t it precisely the uncontrollable side of sexual desire that makes her so charming? However, if this lack of affection causes pain or makes you feel like you are no longer desirable, you need to take action.
What if it was you, who didn’t want to?
If you notice a lack of desire for the other, your partner is not part of the equation to the problem. “Ask yourself if you yourself do not feel a decrease in desire and even more generally a lesser desire to distract yourself or have fun”, suggests Gilbert Bon Jaoudé, sex therapist and director of the platform Charles.co. This introspection will allow you to define if the cause remains personal, if it comes from a source external to your couple or if it is really a decrease in desire of your partner. Overwork, professional difficulties and temporary depression are frequent causes of decreased desire.
Illness of a loved one, dismissal, family problems … The absence of desire can also come from a trauma. If so, dare to share it with your lover. Talking about this painful event will surely allow you to relegate it to the background and once again increase physical contact.
How to change your relationship?
Go gradually. Start with stolen kisses, hug your partner without a second thought, stroke their hand, etc. One way to show him that your affection and concern for his well-being has not changed for you. “Don’t try to have sex when you feel something is wrong, underlines Dr Bou Jaoudé. Find a relaxed atmosphere, spend pleasant moments together without sexuality. The fact of finding a good bond, without aggressiveness, with good communication will bring you more chances of revive desire. “
If the absence of sexual urges is not accompanied by a loss of personal desire or an external event, the problem probably lies within your relationship. To understand the cause and rebuild new healthy bases in order to recover your libido, the specialist advises to establish a diagnosis of your couple. “What aspects of your relationship do you want to change? Be careful, I’m not talking about feelings here, but of course habits, routines and functioning!” Duo activities, projects, organization of the couple, roles of each …: analyze the points that no longer suit you. From there, you can come to understand the source of the pointless libido absence.
This introspection is also the opportunity to communicate with your partner, who probably asks the same questions as you. It’s about speaking calmly, without accusations or judgment, reveal your feelings without blaming the other.
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