As a child, arguments are normal between siblings. But in adulthood, why does the conflict persist?
In most families, conflicts between siblings resolve spontaneously during adolescence. However, when they persist into adulthood, or when they resurface during more or less stormy discussions, perhaps they hide an underestimated resentment.
How can brothers and sisters come to this?
A conflicting sibling relationship actually reflects an unbalanced bond that leads to violence, visible or insidious. It is this lack of balance that causes discomfort and suffering.
The importance of education
Education plays a big role in the estrangement between brother and sister. If one of the children considers that he did not have the same place in the siblings or that he did not receive the same quota of love and attention as his brother or his sister, once an adult, he may have the feeling of being less recognized than the other, thus creating jealousy and competition.
Although competition is normal in childhood, it should fade in adulthood. Otherwise, the relationship becomes toxic between siblings. The success of his brother or sister can reflect his own failures and thus darken the relationship.
How to defuse a conflictual relationship?
Dialogue between brothers and sisters remains the best way to defuse a conflictual situation. During the exchanges, each must recognize his wrongs and explain why he is jealous of the other.
If the toxic person does not realize the consequences of their behavior with their siblings, bringing in a third party and participating in family therapies can help find solutions by involving the whole family.
However, this step is not always obvious, and in certain cases it is preferable to accept that the relation is doomed to the conflict in an irremediable way.
Find out more: “Brother-sister relations: From conflict to encounter”, by Catherine Dumonteil-Kremer, Pocket editions.
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