For you and your partner
We are happy in bed, even when our health is declining. This is shown by a large survey among Plus readers. Read here the tips to be able to make love with a faltering body.
The tips
“Try to let go of what it was like”, is the advice of sexologist Albert Neeleman. “Many people think that sex should always mean intercourse. But there are infinitely more ways to enjoy sex and each other.”
“It can be difficult for those who are ill or in pain to come up with alternatives,” says Hilde de Vocht, professor of Elderly Care and Palliative Care at Saxion University of Applied Sciences. “It can help to get ideas from a counselor or expert. Take, for example, the missionary position: the man is above, the woman is below. A lot of people make love like that. But the hip joints of the woman are heavily loaded in this way, which can hurt a lot. By both lying on your side, the pain disappears and the pleasure returns.”
Too tired to make love at night? Do it in the morning or in the afternoon. “That is also something that people who have been making love according to a fixed pattern for their entire marriage, often do not come up with it,” according to Hilde de Vocht.
“Indicate what you want and don’t fill in things for each other,” says sexologist Woet Gianotten. “Even though you’ve known each other for fifty years. Men and women are really different. I’ve been with my wife for 47 years, but I still don’t always understand her…”
“Even without an erection or ejaculation, sex can still be very enjoyable,” says Woet Gianotten. “Maybe it takes a little longer and feels different, but men can still come in most cases.”
For those who are always aware of a big belly, weaker breasts or pits in the legs in bed; try not to think while making love. “Thoughts are disastrous for pleasure,” says Liesbeth Woertman. “You can only have good sex if you live in your body, and not in your head. So feel. Feel where your hands are and where you are being touched. Free, in other words, ‘mindfull’. Is that difficult? You can practice being mindful, starting outside of bed. For example, on a bicycle. Look very consciously at what you see and feel the wind on your face. That way you train yourself to use your senses.”
Research
We are happy in bed, even when our health declines, according to this research. More than two thirds of Plus readers indicate that they can enjoy sex even then. You can view the results of the survey here.
