Behind these hurtful words often lie complex emotions that he finds difficult to express otherwise.
Hearing your child say that he or she no longer loves you can be deeply upsetting. However, these words do not reflect true rejection but rather a clumsy attempt to communicate intense emotions. Understanding what lies behind these words can help you respond more calmly.
Understanding the emotions behind words
If your child tells you that he no longer loves you, it is because he is expressing emotions that he does not yet know how to manage well. Most of the time, it is his frustration at a refusal to express his disappointment, or his jealousy, a feeling of injustice or fatigue.
The immaturity of his brain often prevents him from controlling his emotional reactions as an adult would. Since he lives in the present moment, he is not always aware of the impact of his words. He then says things he does not really mean, simply to express an intense emotion.
How to react to hurtful words?
The first step to responding constructively is to not take his words personally. Remember that this is not a rejection of you, but an awkward expression of his emotions.
Start by taking a deep breath and mentally repeating to yourself that you are a good parent facing a difficult but normal situation. You can then help him by verbalizing what you think he is feeling: “I see that you are very angry because I asked you to stop playing.” By naming the emotion, you help him understand what he is experiencing and feel understood.
Then, reassure him by affirming your unconditional love: “Even when you’re angry, I still love you.” Avoid responding in the same tone or saying things like, “I don’t love you anymore either.” This will only increase his anxiety and damage your relationship. Instead, stay calm and show him that he can express his emotions without fear of losing your love.
Encourage communication and listening
Open communication is key to getting through these difficult times. Encourage your child to express how he or she feels and why he or she feels that way. For example, if he or she says, “You’re being mean because you didn’t let me go to the park,” help him or her articulate how he or she really feels: “I understand that you’re disappointed because you really wanted to go to the park.”
Learn more: “Emotional Management for Children: 50 Original Stories to Learn How to Manage Your Emotions.”
