“My diagnosis saved me, I thought I had an early form of Alzheimer’s disease, while my daily difficulties correspond to the three symptoms – inattention; mental and physical hyperactivity; impulsivity – which characterize ADHD, the disorder attention deficit disorder with or without hyperactivity, “with”, in my case.
It’s a trial to fix my attention
Since my childhood, I have been in the moon, very dizzy and I disperse. It is a test of concentrating and fixing my attention.
A nothing distracts me (a motorbike backfiring, a fleeting word in the distance…). And when it does not come from an external element, my attention is diverted by the frenzy of my thoughts, which are linked at the speed of light in my head. There is always a new one that drives out the previous one, because my thoughts are structured in a tree structure. I am constantly cluttered.
Result: I made the fortune of locksmiths by slamming the door without taking my keys. I also alienated all my neighbours, after causing several water damages, because I forgot the bath I was running. Even by ringing an alert on my phone, nothing to do!
On the way to the bathroom or the kitchen – I’ve burned dozens of saucepans… – I get caught up in another task, like putting away clothes or transferring the rent, and I skip the first . I also had a lot of collisions in the car, always my fault, because of forgetting priority on the right or looking in the rear view mirror.
For groceries, how many times have I arrived at the checkout with no money? Concentrating on my shopping list, I left without a handbag.
That didn’t stop me from studying.
However, my disorder did not prevent me from studying – I am a geographer – except that I rowed a thousand times more than the others to get there. All long-term work is an exhausting way of the cross because of my lack of concentration.
Instead of focusing on a single file, I scatter over several at the same time. In the end, I get lost on the way and mix everything up. I have often been in despair, with a very painful feeling of helplessness and handicap..
On the other hand, my physical hyperactivity is minor. I squirm in my armchair at the cinema or in a meeting, I stampede in a queue and I knead anti-stress objects, but that’s all.
A colleague’s remark prompted me to consult
The trigger to consult was a remark from a fellow urban planner. She accused me of not being reliable, because I was too disorganized, not rigorous enough, too slow, while I struggled to adapt to our pair. I had concocted a schedule by half-hours, I sent myself reminders, I made cards.
Above all, when an activity fascinates me, and this was the case, I manage to concentrate for a short time, so it worked. When I feel rejected like this, my impulsiveness comes out. I no longer control my emotions and my reactions are disproportionate. I wanted to quit. Luckily, my boss told me: “We’ll see tomorrow, there, I don’t have time”.
It’s the same in love or in friendship, I can scuttle everything with loss and crash in five minutes for a sentence or an innocuous act, which I take badly. I only think about the consequences afterwards. My impulsiveness makes me soupy and I trap myself.
ADHD Diagnosis Changed My Life
For two years I have been treated with a dopamine reuptake inhibitor, Ritalin®. A rebirth! My symptoms haven’t gone away, but they’re at a low enough threshold to no longer cripple my life.
I am more attentive, calmer and more composed. I discovered another woman in me and I regained hope in my future. Founding a family, living as a couple, making a career is no longer just a utopia. Now I know my life can be beautiful.”
