ADHD child: how to ease tensions through communication?

Difficulty concentrating, propensity for motor agitation and/or impulsivity, slowness in carrying out tasks… ADHD is characterized in many ways depending on the person affected. Daily life is not easy for her or those around her.

In order to help parents of children with this neurodevelopmental disorder, psychologist Myriam Bost, specialized in supporting neuroatypies, has published the booklet Children with ADHD, 10 keys to better understanding and supporting thempublished by Hatier Parents. A very practical collection full of advice and experiences from the author, herself diagnosed as an adult.

5 tips for communicating well with an ADHD child

“As a parent, informing yourself about this atypical functioning will allow you to better understand how your child functions. This is essential to stop the vicious circle of conflicts, which can very quickly set in.“, advance Myriam Bost.

Among the 10 keys detailed in his book, there is notably the second: “Communicate clearly to empower your child”. For what ? “It is common to have the feeling that your child never listens to what you say to him, or that it is essential, as a parent, to constantly monitor him. In the long term, this situation risks becoming exhausting and having consequences on your relationship with your child, who then becomes oppositional or complains as soon as you ask him something”, explains the psychologist.

To avoid getting to this point, she advises improving communication in several ways:

-start by capturing the child’s attention: “reduce distractors by structuring your child’s environment and adapt the way you speak to them”, for example by touching him when talking to him, by imitating a person from his favorite film or by whispering;

-communicate clearly “and with precision”, avoiding giving several instructions at the same time;

-communicate about the expected behavior in a positive way: “Too often, as parents, we tend to list what the child should not do. He must then process the implicit and inhibit his action. This means that he must first understand what he must not do and therefore, secondly, find the appropriate action.” ;

– favor rules rather than prohibitions because the ADHD child may have difficulty inhibiting certain actions;

-communicate using simple techniques: with affirmations, tools to stimulate or challenge the child (stopwatch, list, etc.) and avoiding repeating an instruction too many times because “the more the ADHD child hears an instruction, the less likely he will carry it out”, insists the specialist. “In order to get him to carry out the action, you will have to stimulate his initiation skills”, for example by asking questions (“what do you do when you come home from school?”, “before you go to bed?”, etc.), by pointing to objects or a place, or even by using pictograms and drawings for everyday instructions.

What are the causes of ADHD?

There is no single, specific cause known for the development of ADHD, and, contrary to some preconceived ideas, in no case does ADHD develop as a result of too lax a framework in the education ! Many factors, both genetic and environmentalare involved in the appearance of this disorder which occurs very early in children, even in utero. Among the environmental factors we find in particular exposure to emotional deficiencies, stress, poverty, trauma, exposure to toxic substances such as lead or drugs such as Valproate (treatment used in epilepsy), low birth weight, iron deficiency, or exposure to alcohol, tobacco or cocaine before birth, etc.

To find out more: The ADHD child, 10 keys to better understanding and supporting them, Myriam Bost, Éditions Hatier Parents.