The sexual fantasies, we all have them, but we see them differently. Some unmentionable, seem unachievable to us, others worry us and make us uncomfortable. In any case, they highlight a dark side that does not necessarily correspond to our values and morals. And that is precisely what makes them destabilizing. So, when we are in a relationship, we sometimes ask ourselves the question of whether or not we can / we must confess them to his or her partner. Psychologist William Buna helps us see things more clearly.
TS. Why are sexual fantasies still often taboo within a couple?
William Buna. In a libertine couple, open, it’s banal but in some couples, addressing themes related to sexuality becomes complicated. Fantasy falls within the realm of the intimate. Some people don’t want to talk about it, others feel that a fulfilled fantasy is no longer one. Today, we live in extreme situations in society with more debauchery in certain circles, due in particular to the development of dating applications, and on the one hand, we note a withdrawal tinged with puritanism.
Top Health. What can fantasy bring to the couple?
WB. This can bring complicity, allow to meet the other. Just talking about it, it’s a way of communicating. Why couldn’t we talk about it, what would be the risk anyway? Unless the fantasies can be misunderstood by the other. But this idea presupposes a fear of judgement. Talking about your fantasies does not mean that there is a desire to realize them
TS. When to talk about it, and how to go about it?
WB. This can be in a moment of intimacy as a couple, not necessarily before a sexual time but during an evening, a dinner or a weekend. It’s up to everyone. Some couples are very open-minded. On the other hand, if the opposite receptivity does not exist, you should not continue on this path because you should not force anything, both partners must feel ready.
Thanks to William Buna, liberal clinical psychologist and author of Lulu au pays des susus (Jenn Ink Editions).
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