Sexual complaints

The complaints are diverse: pain and difficulty during sex, lack of interest in sex, erection problems, premature or delayed ejaculation or inability to ejaculate.

Honesty and communication

In a starting relationship, spontaneous sex drive comes naturally. When the relationship lasts longer, it can become more difficult due to all kinds of circumstances and emotions.

In principle, there is no standard that you should meet. As long as you and your partner are having a good time, you’re fine. When problems do arise, honesty and communication are important for the further course of your sexual relationship.

women’s problems

Almost every woman has to deal with sexual problems at some point. Sometimes the problems are temporary and will go away on their own. Sometimes that doesn’t happen and they even get worse. Gaining insight into your complaints and the causes can already help. Pain during sex is in any case a common problem.

deep pain

Some women experience a deep pain when thrusting the penis. The pain can be caused by the penis bumping against the cervix. This usually occurs with a certain position during sex.

Bowel abnormalities or a gynecological condition can also be a cause. A position in which the penis enters the vagina less deeply is an easy solution for deep pain.

Pain at the entrance to the vagina

Burning or aching pain at the entrance to the vagina occurs during and after intercourse. This may be because the woman is not sufficiently excited and the vaginal wall is not moist enough. The skin then becomes irritated by the abrasion of the penis. Try to relax as much as possible during sex and only do it when you really feel like it.

A yeast infection, childbirth or hormonal changes can also cause vaginal pain. In such a case, go to the doctor.

vaginismus

Vaginismus is the cramping of the vaginal muscles, which hinders sexual intercourse. The opening of the vagina becomes very narrow, so inserting a tampon or finger already causes problems. The reason for vaginismus is often unclear: fear of pain, an unwanted pregnancy or fear of failure can play a role.

Negative sex experiences are also common. For many women, the cramp is difficult to influence. Talk about it with your partner and, if necessary, visit your doctor.

Don’t feel like having sex

There are many reasons why women do not feel like having sex: fatigue, stress, depression, illness, use of medicines or the disappearance of feelings in love. Many women have little or no sex drive in the first year after giving birth. Problems arise when you cannot find a joint solution with your partner. Again, talking and looking for other solutions can help!

Difficulty cumming

Nearly half of all women have trouble coming while having sex with a partner. Many women think that an orgasm comes naturally during intercourse. However, most women orgasm by actively stimulating the clitoris or the area around it. This can be done by licking or by touching the fingers. Discovering your favorite body spots on your own will also help you learn to cum.

men’s problems

Men also sometimes have problems with sex. The pressure for men to perform in bed is often high. Helping your partner relax and not blame his performance helps a man take that pressure off him.

Cum too soon

When a man ejaculates within a minute, you call it premature ejaculation. Men can feel powerless because of that. The cause of premature ejaculation is often due to insecurity and fear of not doing it right. Sometimes ejaculating too quickly is a reflex, learned in childhood from rapid masturbation. It can be unlearned by stopping making love for a while to stop the orgasm.

Erection Problems

Sometimes a man feels like having sex, but the penis just doesn’t get stiff enough. It is also possible that the penis slackens after having sex for a while. If that happens once in a while, it doesn’t cause any problems: men are sometimes tired too. Fear of it happening again next time can make the problem worse. Not pushing, frequent stimulation of the penis and understanding the situation are solutions. Causes of erection problems can be fear of not doing it right, guilt or just a lack of sex drive. In the case of long-term erection problems, it is wise to check whether there is no physical cause.

what can you do about it?

Although a decreased sexual desire or an aversion to sexual contact is common, adequate psychotherapy has not (yet) been developed. However, communication training or relationship therapy can help. There are several books on the market that will help you on your way to a more satisfying sex life.

The solution to ‘not feeling like sex’ often also has to be sought in the relationship itself and in dealing with each other. On your own initiative or on the advice of your GP, you can go to institutions that specialize in providing assistance for sexuality problems, such as the Rutgers Foundation, the RIAGG, social work or a psychotherapist.