Stop the tyranny of always more! You can be perfectly fulfilled and balanced, and dislike blowjob. It is not because oral sex has become commonplace that we must accept a practice that we disapprove of for very personal and sometimes non-negotiable reasons (culture, religion, taste, etc.). Let us be clear too, in porn films widely trivialized on television or on the Internet, fellatio is assimilated to an act of submission, the man keeps his partner captive at the level of his purses, with his hand on his head to print him a back and forth movement. These images can trigger in some a reaction of rejection, especially if their companion, suddenly taking himself for Rocco Siffredi, decides to play it the same way at home. The more curious, or the most in love, can test to give it a try, and give up with an informed opinion. In addition, many women do not like to swallow semen at all. “It is absolutely abominable to force the other to do something that he does not like”, affirms without compromising the sexologist Catherine Solano in “Psy, Sex and Fun” (ed. Tornado, € 10.95). “You never get anything like this, except to reinforce the other’s reluctance. And this is true for all other sexual practices. The specialist however emphasizes that before the semen passes through the urethra, a path usually taken by urine, nature has cleaned up, the Cowper’s glands secreting a fluid that cleans the canal. Which may reassure some.
The Kama Sutra speaks of “wonderful pleasure” … So why such reluctance? Those who have tried anal sex without being able to find the slightest pleasure have sometimes found this practice too painful. In fact, without precaution or lubricant, without progressive stimulation (caress, then pressure, then intromission of a finger, then more …), without sufficient excitation, the orifice is not flexible and distended enough, it may turn out to be dry and impenetrable. For others, it is not the pain that is involved, they simply find this practice humiliating, bestial, contrary to their education or their principles. As the psychiatrist and sexologist Philippe Brenot reminds us in “Sex and love” (ed. Odile Jacob), “a few decades ago, sodomy was condemned by law, it was a perversion for the psychiatrist, a monstrosity against nature for the Church. Sodomy is no longer considered a pathology, it is rather seen as a transgression by some, but it is also a habitual practice for others. However, it should never be a constraint on anyone. “
Some couples barely speak to each other during love, or prefer tender and caressing words, others do not balk at a little more rawness, even rudeness, to raise the excitement, which becomes more animal and wild. . The man lets go more easily in this sense, and often likes to make his partner hear, in the heat of the moment, a few chosen terms, associated with his fantasy world. These raw words, if they surprise you, disturb you or shock you, should not however be taken at face value: they are associated only with sex, and a “slut” or “little whore” in bed does not mean absolutely not that he takes you as such in everyday reality, those words will not come out of the room! It is simply a naughty verbal jousting, a little game of two-man transgression, even if you’ve been married for ten years: they require trust and mutual respect to stay in the lightness of the moment. So if the words your partner uses hurt or humiliate you, it’s best to say so clearly. If they just don’t affect you, let him do it, but don’t force yourself to answer him in the same tone. Conversely, if, on your side, use a slightly green vocabulary tempts you, let yourself go without shame or taboo, it is your strictest right. It is also a way to get out of your usual image, as a mother for example, to get excited, release your fantasies and change roles. Don’t you dare? Let go gradually, without ulterior motive, just listening to your excitement. Your words are unlikely to fall on deaf ears.
Some women have a problem with cleanliness and body image. Cunnilingus is a very intimate caress of the vulva, which requires impeccable hygiene. Rightly or wrongly, they are afraid of their smell, even if they have just washed. From a more psychological point of view, for the woman, cunnilingus requires a real letting go because she must accept to deliver all her femininity to the sight and even to the taste of her partner. In addition, the prohibitions related to education, especially religious, can make cunnilingus considered taboo and dirty. Consciously or not, these women do not manage to get rid of the too well integrated parental ban and feel guilty at the idea of such sexual vagrancy.
A last reason, even more subtle, could intervene. As we know, the positions of love are not erotic acrobatics, they bring into play more symbolic questions such as power and domination.
Offering his cock to lick puts the man in a dominated position. But making the woman come with his tongue puts the man in a position of power. Dr Glenn Wilson, an ethologist specializing in human behavior, illustrates this dominant / dominated dialectic with the example of the Chinese Empress Wu Hu of the Tang dynasty (618-907), who, in order to establish her power, subjugated the officials, the dignitaries of his government and foreigners on official visit, to practice this caress on her. In ancient times, cunnilingus was not at all respectable. Caesar, who would have been fond of it, was perceived by his contemporaries as “effeminate” and “submissive” to women.
