When is ‘it’ allowed again?
Illness can put a big brake on your sex life. However, a temporary or chronic illness does not have to be an end point. With some adjustments you can enjoy it again.
A recent study by the Rutgers Nisso Groep and health insurer Agis showed that thirteen percent of people with a chronic illness or disability are satisfied with their sex life, compared to sixty percent of the Dutch in general. Not strange numbers, because even though sexual feelings usually do not disappear, many people still find it difficult to pick up the thread of their sex life during or after an illness or condition.
Yet there is often more possible than you think and, sometimes with a small adjustment, you can enjoy sex just as much as before the illness or condition. A satisfying sex life is usually quite possible even in the case of chronic illness.
Doctor’s advice
Ask your treating doctor what you are allowed and able to do physically again. You will feel more confident if you know what the possible risks are and what is possible. This also has a psychological effect, because fear of repetition of, for example, a heart attack can be very hindering.
In addition, it is known that certain drugs can negatively affect sex life. Shame also plays a role: people become insecure if certain things do not go as they used to, or if their body looks different because of a mastectomy, for example. Talk about it with your doctor, a sex therapist and especially with each other. Because both partners can suffer from feelings of fear and insecurity. Seek professional help or guidance if needed.
When will ‘it’ be possible again?
If you can climb two flights of stairs after a heart attack without getting out of breath, it is medically safe to have sex.
Fear of a new stroke or cerebral haemorrhage during sexual activity is not necessary because the higher blood pressure and physical exertion during sexual arousal is not relevant.
There is no medical barrier to having sex after a mastectomy. However, there can be physical limitations and the negative body image that women can get after amputation of one or both breasts can seriously hinder their sex life.
Chronic conditions
In people with a chronic condition, the psyche plays a major role in regaining a satisfying sex life. After the initial period of resistance against the disease, it is hard work to regain physical, mental and social balance. And that affects sex life. Dealing creatively with illness is also very important in the case of a chronic condition. For example, take an -extra- puff beforehand if you have asthma. With chronic fatigue, a different time of sex (morning?) may be the solution and someone with rheumatism may benefit from a warm shower beforehand.
Tips for a nicer and more fun sex life
- Sex after an illness or condition can boost your self-esteem, but the feeling of intimacy is most important. Remember that making love isn’t about performance, it’s about pleasure.
- Make sure you are not too tired and that the atmosphere is relaxed and pleasant. Sometimes you also have to try to make sense and not wait until you feel like it.
- Be careful not to let your negative thoughts or fears get the better of you during sex.
- Use your imagination and try other ways of making love. Also consider aids such as a vibrator.
- Even in paralyzed parts of the body, pleasant sensations are sometimes still perceptible. Discover any new erogenous zones!
- Do you suffer from urine loss or stool loss? Drink less and go to the bathroom one more time before having sex. For men, a condom can be a solution.
- Do you have erection problems? Ask your doctor about erection pills. For women with vaginal dryness, a lubricant is a godsend.
And, the most important tip and already said before: talk to each other. Couples who are open to each other’s fear and feelings and who accept the changes that an illness or condition entails have a good chance of finding a new path and a new sex life together with even more intimacy than before.
More information: http://www.rng.nl