Being deliberately cold towards the person we are interested in could prove effective in pleasing them and making them crack, according to Israeli researchers.
- Being distant with the person we like would seduce them.
- People who are too easy to charm would be perceived as more desperate.
“Being difficult is a technique widely used to attract a person. Our previous research has not made it possible to clearly determine whether and why this method facilitates the search for a partner”. So wrote scientists from the University of Rochester and the Herzliya Interdisciplinary Center in Israel in a study published in the journal Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
To find out if being distant could make a person attractive, the team analyzed three works. In the first, participants interacted online with people whose profiles indicated they were either “difficult to seduce”is “easy to attract”. In the second research, the volunteers had to make efforts to charm their interlocutor. In the third study, interactions occurred spontaneously. All participants were asked to rate the extent to which they felt their interlocutor was being difficult and indicate their desire to engage with them.
Playing difficult ‘makes you feel more coveted’
According to the results, being cold would increase the desirability of a potential partner. The researchers also found that doing the or the difficult was a technique that increased the “value” of the person. “Playing the difficulty card gives the impression of being more coveted”, explained Harry Reis, co-author of the study and professor of psychology at the University of Rochester, in a statement.
Psychologist Gurit Birnbaum, co-author of the work and a psychologist at the Herzliya Interdisciplinary Center, specified that “People who are too easy to seduce may be perceived as being more desperate. This makes them appear less ‘precious’ and less attractive than those who do not show their romantic interest immediately”.
However, the scientists clarified that this tactic does not work for everyone. “If playing hard to get makes you come across as selfless or arrogant, it will backfire”, warned Harry Reis. The authors advised opting for this technique only when you are sure that the potential partner has the impression that the efforts made are likely to work and succeed.
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