Is fidelity essential to the couple?
Can we still be faithful to each other for a lifetime? Should we instead be true to ourselves and our values? In the era of non-frustration and “everything is possible”, the question arises more acutely than ever. In the famous article 112 of the Civil Code, it is written in black and white that “the spouses owe each other fidelity, help and assistance. » The major survey on sexuality in France (CSF 2006) reveals that 23.9% of women and 34.4% of men have had two sexual relations at the same time, which represents at least one in three couples concerned, or even one in of them.
“The position of men and women in the face of infidelity is in the process of being equalized”, already wrote, in 1999, the sexologist Gérard Leleu, in his book “Fidelity and the Couple” (ed. Flammarion). “The legal and moral repression that weighed on women prevented them from indulging in sexual curiosity. This is no longer the case. »
In 1998, the sociologist Michel Bozon, in “Sexuality in the time of AIDS” (ed. PUF), observed that indulgence in the face ofinfidelity increases with the life of the couple: 34% of men and 24% of women living in a couple for less than two years believe that there can be love without fidelity. These figures rise to 43% and 40% respectively after fifteen years of living together. In fact, adultery is invoked as a cause of divorce in only 15% of cases.
Where does infidelity and jealousy begin?
Women are more likely to think that wanting to seduce another person is already infidelity in itself. Likewise, they believe more easily that kissing is already deceiving. In fact, women feel more betrayed when their partner falls in love with another woman, even if he doesn’t act out, while men are more obsessed with acting out. The woman’s problem arises in terms of love, the man’s in terms of self-esteem. Internet comes to invite itself in the new dance of the couple. Chatting on the Internet is playing with fire. Some partners do not appreciate these small virtual exchanges at all and can feel literally flouted.
In recent years, among the reasons for divorce invoked by the Chambre des notaires, we find marital avoidance (particularly because of the computer), virtual infidelity (dating forum, pornographic images on the Net) and new infidelities (encounters in “real life” after exchanges on the Web).
Sexual infidelity and emotional infidelity
Levy and Kelly, two psychology researchers at the University of Pennsylvania analyzed the
responses of 416 volunteers (99 men, 317 women) to two questionnaires, one devoted to jealousy, the other to the form of attachment. sexual infidelity concerns, as one might expect, a majority of men: 53.5% against 24.3% of women. Emotional infidelity concerns, as might also be expected, a majority of women: 75.7% of them, 46.6% of men. The authors conclude that the more cheated people feel autonomous and full of self-confidence, the more they suffer from their partner’s affective infidelities. On the other hand, the more the cheated persons are dependent, the more importance they attach to what threatens their relationship in their eyes, starting with sexual infidelity.
(Source: www.sexologie-magazine.com)
