Is fidelity essential to the couple?
Can we still be faithful to the other for a lifetime? Rather, should we be true to ourselves and to our values? In the age of non-frustration and “anything is possible”, the question is more acute than ever. In the famous article 112 of the Civil Code, it is written in black and white that “the spouses owe each other fidelity, help and assistance. The major survey on sexuality in France (CSF 2006) reveals that 23.9% of women and 34.4% of men have had two sexual relations at the same time, which represents at least one in three couples concerned, or even one in of them.
“The position of men and women in the face of infidelity is in the process of being equalized”, already wrote, in 1999, the sexologist Gérard Leleu, in his book “La Fidélité et le Couple” (ed. Flammarion). “The legal and moral repression that weighed on women prevented them from indulging in sexual curiosity. This is no longer the case. “
In 1998, the sociologist Michel Bozon, in “Sexuality in the times of AIDS” (ed. PUF), observed that leniency in the face ofinfidelity increases with the lifespan of the couple: 34% of men and 24% of women living in a relationship for less than two years believe that there can be love without fidelity. These figures rise to 43% and 40% respectively after fifteen years together. In fact, adultery is invoked as a cause of divorce in only 15% of cases.
Where does infidelity and jealousy begin?
Women are more likely to think that wanting to seduce another person is already infidelity in itself. Likewise, they feel more easily than kissing is already deceiving. In fact, women feel more betrayed when their partner falls in love with another woman, even if he does not act out, while men rather obsess over the act. The problem of women arises in terms of love, that of men in terms of self-esteem. Internet is invited in the new dance of the couple. Chatting on the Internet is playing with fire. Some partners do not appreciate these small virtual exchanges at all and can literally feel violated.
In recent years, among the reasons for divorce invoked by the Chambre des notaires, we find conjugal avoidance (because of the computer in particular), virtual infidelity (dating forum, pornographic images on the Net) and news infidelities (meetings in “real life” after exchanges on the Web).
Sexual infidelity and emotional infidelity
Levy and Kelly, two psychology researchers at the University of Pennsylvania analyzed the
responses from 416 volunteers (99 men, 317 women) to two questionnaires, one devoted to jealousy, the other to the form of attachment. Sexual infidelity concerns, as one might expect, a majority of men: 53.5% against 24.3% of women. Emotional infidelity concerns, as one might also expect, a majority of women: 75.7% of them, 46.6% of men. The authors conclude that the more the deceived people feel empowered and full of self-confidence, the more they suffer from the emotional infidelities of their partner. On the other hand, the more dependent the deceived people are, the more they attach importance to what threatens their relationship, starting with sexual infidelity.
(Source: www.sexologie-magazine.com)
