How to regain self-confidence after a phase of doubt or a painful episode such as a divorce or job loss? Self-confidence is gained over time. It is built with exercises and attitudes that require two things: a little courage and regular practice.
What does it mean to have self-confidence (or regain self-confidence)? Let’s start first with a definition of this expression, which appeared in the 18th century and passed into everyday language.
To have self-confidence means that one is assured of his own possibilities and abilities”: cit means both:
- Know yourself well, believe in its own value and in its potential.
- To feel able to do certain things and to bring value to a group or a project.
- Be confident enough to dare (more often) take risks and seize opportunities.
Trust is an emotional skill, often referred to today as a soft skill » and reassure yourself if you miss it, it needs to be worked on and it can be improved…
9 tips to regain self-confidence
Trust is expressed differently from one person to another, mainly depending on of his experience and the environment in which it evolves. The type of education she received as a child, and the school environment she attended, played a fundamental role in building her confidence.
Self-confidence does not improve over time and the lack of confidence would even tend to increase with age. He can even become crippling for some adults.
This is why it is essential to learn to identify the complicated life trials that we have to go through in order to approach them with positivity, determination and strategy.
Here is 10 common sense tips to give yourself the means to regain self-confidence over time.
1. Think positive first
To regain self-confidence, one must change one’s thinking mechanisms and listen to the little voice in one’s head that guides emotions and actions. If you always say to yourself: I can’t“, this will inevitably have a negative impact on your behavior.
So the idea is to work on your thoughts and make them positive: the more I believe in it, the more I can do it, the more it becomes possible and the more likely I am to succeed !“. It is not a question of lying to oneself, but of becoming aware of one’s abilities and one’s personal resources.
2. Rehearse the scenes you are going to play
Our brain gives us the ability to predict what will happen and D’anticipate situations. In the cinema, we project ourselves into the life of the character and we experience the situation as if it were real. In the same way, before an important event, we would all benefit from rehearsing the scene…
For example, in the case of a professional interview, we can view the moment positively. You have to think about his posture, his presentation, his language, his answers, the possible reactions of the interlocutor… as if everything was going perfectly well.
When the day comes, it will be a question of reproducing the scene in reality. When you imagine that the interview is going to go well, in general, it goes well! Good preparation always has positive consequences to regain self-confidence.
3. Live your failures as experiments
When we “crash”, when we miss something, we shouldn’t see that as a failure but rather as a additional life experience. Otherwise, we risk not trying anything because of the (oh so paralyzing) fear of failure.
Often, people who are insecure are terrified of making mistakes because they see faults and signs of weakness in them. These errors show them that they are not not up to par and it is their pride and their self-esteem that are affected. However, life is a long learning process and making mistakes and missing things is completely natural.
When you make mistakes, the important thing to regain self-confidence is to take advantage to progress and do not repeat them again!
4. Set reachable goals
To fix objectives is a successful strategy to regain self-confidence. They allow us to have a precise vision of the actions to be undertaken. Our thoughts will be clearer and our decisions faster.
Set goals that seem reachable to you because if your lack of confidence is linked to the fear of failure (it often is), it may be because you tend to set the bar too high.
Self-confidence is based on a clever mix of realism and common sense : you must know your abilities and skills as well as your limits and weak points!
5. Do the best you can without looking for perfection
People who lack self-confidence are often perfectionists who do not tolerate the slightest flaw in design or execution. Gold perfection is hard to achieve In any domain. So if you have a sponsor to support you, it can be heard, but if not, come back down to earth.
If you’re always looking to be perfect, you’re going to spend a lot of time looking for “little things” to make things better. Therefore, you will never validate anythingwhich will inevitably affect your productivity. If you don’t release anything concrete because it’s not perfect yet, you will never achieve any success.
To regain self-confidence, you must strive for excellencethat is to say a 98 or 99% personal satisfaction : it’s already beautiful work, don’t you think?
6. Get out of your comfort zone
Without being mad or reckless, try to get out of your comfort zone and your routine. Seek to discover other contexts, other backgrounds, other types of people.
It’s a good way to regain self-confidence because it gives you new bearings, new perspectives and refreshing ideas. You will learn to adapt more easily to situations and new circumstances.
7. Reach out more to others
If you have some difficulty making contact with others, to go to them to get to know each other, to chat, to exchange, it is perhaps the sign of a lack of self-confidence. Or are you perhaps a misanthrope?
If social situations (parties, meetings, group events, etc.) tend to paralyze you, tell yourself that this is the case for most of us. To try to connect with others, you must first take an interest in them and, second, know how to devote the time necessary to listen to them. As you know, people love to talk about themselves…
Build New Relationships is another important passage to regain self-confidence.
8. Turn away from “toxic” people
The lack of self-confidence can also come from the behavior and the speech of the entourage. “Toxic” people are colloquially defined as people who “ poison life“.
They are easy to flush out: they are people who question everything, pull us down and to whom nothing ever suits. Pessimistic and negative, they are often at the origin of conflicts and prove to be particularly gifted for generate stress at the others.
To regain self-confidence, it is therefore essential to start a detox cure to walk away from these toxic individuals and get them out of his life once and for all.
9. Avoid comparing yourself to others
If there is one thing to avoid when trying to regain self-confidence, it is to compare yourself to others. There will always be stronger, prettier, richer, smarter than you.
But rest assured, you will always find weaker, uglier, poorer and dumber than you! You must learn to accept and love yourself as you are. It’s called theself esteem.
Finally, to regain self-confidence, it may be wise to consult a shrink or a specialized therapist. Professional help and a non-judgmental look will allow you to identify the source of the lack of self-confidence.