My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half now. We only see each other on weekends and make love almost every day. Only now the problem is that I find it boring. I’ve already suggested things like kamasutra positions and spicy lingerie sets, but my boyfriend doesn’t contribute much to it himself. I love him immensely, I really do, but sometimes I get fantasies about sex with other men in my head. I don’t give in to it, but I am that if things don’t change I’m going to have a tendency to cheat. And I really couldn’t bear that. Do you have any tips, advice or comments about this?
a reader
Henriette Schoones, Sexologist NVVS/relationship therapist
This is a common problem, which I regularly hear from couples when they only see each other on the weekends. There is pressure on sex. Only then is there an opportunity for sex.
Try to break the fixed sexual pattern by introducing more erotic tension throughout the day. For example, by sharing each other’s sexual fantasies or giving each other a French kiss, without this leading to further sexual contact, or by sending each other an erotic text message during the week.
Maybe it will help to take action and not just with proposals. Most men think it’s great that you put in the effort for him. Maybe he’s shy and feels a little overwhelmed by you!
I recommend that you discuss your experience of the sexual relationship with your boyfriend, not in a reproachful sense, but more in a positive, stimulating sense. For example, “I feel like experimenting more sexually because it’s you and I want to do that with you”. Good luck!
Do you also have a question? Then ask one of our experts. Always go to your doctor with urgent questions, the experts are not the right person for that. They also do not diagnose. You can find the other conditions here.
Henriëtte Schoones specializes in sexual and relationship problems. She has her own practice for sexology and relationship Therapy in Tiel and works as a sexologist in the Rivierenland Hospital in collaboration with the gynaecologists. She answers all kinds of questions that arise within a relationship.
