As a couple or not, there is a very fine line between feelings of love and hate.
- In a love relationship, being angry or disagreeing with the other is a normal feeling.
- In reality, it is not the loved one that we hate, but his or her behavior.
- Everything is linked to the neural circuits, and more particularly the putamen and the insula which are responsible for our bonds of affection but also for hatred and contempt.
Admitting that we “hate” a loved one at certain times while we love them at others can seem very ambivalent. Yet feeling angry, disagreeing or arguing is also part of a loving relationship.
Conflicting emotions in love relationships
Even if you love your parents, your brother, your sister, or even your children with all your heart, it is normal at times to no longer bear to be together, or even to feel anger or hatred. In reality, it is not hating his loved one, but rather his behavior that does not meet our expectations.
Very often, by dint of spending time together, certain attitudes, reactions or behaviors can trigger a kind of temporary aversion that is resolved by taking a step back and spending less time with the other. In this case the feeling of hatred indicates a discomfort in the relationship for which it is necessary to wonder.
Common neural circuits between love and hate
Studies show that love and hate share common neural circuits that sometimes push us to love but also to hate a few moments later the same person. In question the putamen and the insula in particular which are responsible for our bonds of affection but also for hatred and contempt. Already as a child, we experience this type of emotional contradiction towards our parents or our peers, for example.
This emotional contradiction does not only concern our loved ones, but also ourselves at times. Depending on our reactions, we can turn to momentarily hating ourselves or rejecting ourselves.
Rather than blaming yourself, questioning the message of your emotions allows you to find consistency with what you feel. If it has to go through a temporary or permanent break, or even an adjustment in communication, it is because the discomfort has been useful.
Source: Neural Correlates of Hate. Zeki S, Romaya JP. Neural Correlates of Hate. PLOS ONE 3(10): e3556.
