Column by sexologist Ingeborg Timmerman
As a sexologist and psychotherapist, Ingeborg Timmerman writes columns about sex and the psyche. This time: a man who comes to a consultation after a referral from the GP and wants to know whether he needs erection pills.
He comes by after a referral from the GP. “He wanted to prescribe me erection pills, but I don’t like that,” he says. As a sexologist I have a little longer time for a consultation. He is in his early fifties and says he became a widower eight years ago. He and his wife were each other’s first love. It was not an easy relationship, but he naturally assisted her in her disease process.
“I live quite consciously. I exercise, eat healthy, swim daily all year round in a lake in the dunes and I have a job that I really enjoy. I thought life was quite good that way. But now I met a woman who completely overwhelmed me. I think I’m falling in love with her, she makes me happy and insecure at the same time.”
He elaborates on how they met and that he was suddenly in bed with her. He is amazed at her sensuality, her directness, her focus on pleasure. “She sends me into bed. She just tells me what I can do to have an orgasm and she gets several herself during sex. I didn’t know this existed and I find it makes me clap a bit. It’s really exciting , but every now and then I notice that I don’t have an erection. I find that disturbing.”
Fortunately I can reassure him. He has told me that all his life he has been self-gratifying in a certain way: with the help of porn, he brought himself to a climax within minutes. Now he is suddenly making love for hours, and his sexual information processing system is not used to that. It is normal for his penis not to remain hard all the time, but for the erection to return if his penis is stimulated properly. Luckily, his new girlfriend won’t let him drop out when he notices that he doesn’t have an erection. That is why he doubts whether erection pills are necessary. After all, if he does self-gratification, he always has an erection.
There is indeed no reason to use medication. With good stimulation, an erection and an orgasm follow. He just learns new things: if you make love a little longer and you are no longer twenty, an erection can disappear for a while. But only to recharge for the next round.
Also read her previous column: ‘I want what he has: I also want good sex’
This article originally appeared in +Gezond april 2022. Want to subscribe to the magazine? You can do that in an instant!
Ingeborg Timmerman has been working as a sexologist since 1990 and is also a psychotherapist. Together with Carlie van Tongeren she wrote the book Sense of Sex! written.
