To hate and to love are not opposite feelings, but feelings which are joined by their intensity.
We often think that it is not possible to hate the person we love. Yet the opposite of love is not hate but indifference. Accepting that you can temporarily hate the one you love allows you to face your emotions without being ashamed or fighting them.
Why are love and hate possible at the same time?
It is possible to hate the person you love because love and hate actually come from the same origin. As we are influenced by the actions and words of the other: when the loved one meets our expectations, positive emotions predominate. However, when he harms us, the feeling of hatred may appear.
In reality, hatred appears precisely because we love the person and we are affected by everything that he can do against us. Without the feeling of love, we would be completely indifferent to what she can do to us, and therefore we could not hate her.
Knowing how to accept your hatred to better manage it
To idealize the love we have for the other is to hide our face and think that negative emotions have no place in the relationship. However, it is also these emotions that characterize us.
So we must not fear the hatred that sometimes appears in love. It does not mean that the affection is deteriorated or that we are heartless and malevolent monsters.
On the contrary, it is healthier to agree to hate the one we love and to understand that we must deal with this hatred so that it does not destroy us. When the love is genuine, the hate is only transitory and leaves almost no trace.
Find out more: “Love and Hatred” by Pierre Janet, Hamarttan editions.
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