Regretting having a child is one of the ultimate taboos.
If tongues have been loosened more and more in recent years, recognizing one’s regret at being a mother or father still remains a very often unmentionable taboo. Between the sacralization of motherhood and the fear of hurting couples suffering from infertility, many parents prefer to remain silent.
To regret does not mean to no longer love
Regret to be a parent is a realization that can occur at any time, whether during pregnancy, or after birth. In most cases, it is not the life of the child that is in question, but rather the consequences of parenthood.
Indeed, expectations can be very different between the moment you want to become parents and the reality. Certain events such as illness, death, a breakup or failure can give this feeling, although it can also be present in the parents without any particular problem.
Where does this taboo come from?
The taboo exists through the eyes of society. Thus, for many parents, having a child is part of the social injunctions and the idealization of parenthood. Those who refuse it are often treated as selfish or unfulfilled.
If the silence persists around the regret of parenthood, and in particular of motherhood, it is because giving birth is often the existential goal for many men and women. Challenging this myth would desacralize this injunction.
Find out more: “The Regret of Being a Mother” by Orna Donath, Odile Jacob editions
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