I have been in a relationship with a widower for a year and a half. Unfortunately, I keep getting jealous when he talks about his past loves, even though all three are dead. I now know a lot about these relationships with these women, including the emotional moments he had with them. How do I make sure that I am less bothered by my jealousy?
Irene
Henriette Schoones, sexologist/relationship therapist
I think the jealousy hurts so much because you bring his stories of his past loves too much to yourself. If your partner talks about his deceased partners, try to disconnect it from yourself. Don’t compare the relationship and yourself with the other partners from the past. Negative thoughts, such as thinking “He loved the other women more than me” can really fuel your jealousy. His past has nothing to do with the relationship he has with you now. He also experiences emotional, beautiful moments with you.
If your partner talks about his past relationships again, you might share your insecurities with them. He could make it clear to you again what you mean to him and give more confirmation that it is you now for him.
Try to create as many beautiful moments as possible and enjoy life together. Feelings of jealousy hinder this.
Do you also have a question? Then ask one of our experts. Always go to your doctor with urgent questions, the experts are not the right person for that. They also do not diagnose. You can find the other conditions here.
Henriëtte Schoones specializes in sexual and relationship problems. She has her own practice for sexology and relationship Therapy in Tiel and works as a sexologist in the Rivierenland Hospital in collaboration with the gynaecologists. She answers all kinds of questions that arise within a relationship.
