Is jealousy really a bad fault in the couple? The legitimacy of this emotion, which is often expressed through anxiety and insecurity, often fuels the debates in the evenings.
If it brings out negative feelings in the one who feels it or who undergoes it, jealousy nevertheless involves a positive side. “It is linked to the fear of losing the other and can therefore constitute proof of love”, explains Bernard Geberowicz, psychiatrist. It can even be part of a seduction game.
On the other hand, things go wrong when this feeling and this desire for possession take up too much space and take hold over time. When it becomes invasive and permanent, jealousy causes mistrust and tensions that are harmful to the health of the couple. In the long term, the risk of rupture is very real.
The three signs of jealousy
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Close monitoring
The jealous person keeps himself informed of the slightest actions and gestures of his partner. The boundaries of intimacy are transgressed: reading emails, text messages, clothes searched, etc. -
The desire to restrict contact
“The jealous” tries to distance his partner from his friendly, professional and/or family relations. He can no longer bear his partner having contact with the outside world. This desire for separation from the outside world joins this desire for possession and exclusivity. -
The devaluation of the other
The jealous makes the other bear the responsibility for what he feels. This can be accompanied by the devaluation of the other, even marks of lack of respect, criticism, insults and even violence.
How to react
“When these three signals invade the relationship, we enter an excessive and painful dimension of jealousy.“, observes Bernard Geberowicz. Taken by an overflowing imagination and emotional overflow (despair, anger, sadness, fear that the other will leave or deceive him), the jealous person adopts an attitude that jeopardizes the balance of the couple.
To know recognize these manifestations of jealousy can help to react before it is too late. For the one who is “victim”, it will be a question of quickly setting limits for the jealous person so that he becomes aware of his behavior. It can also be useful to reassure him about the love we have for him. “It may happen that the jealous person needs to be reassured about certain things, but it is not normal to have to justify any gesture or thought that one may have”, nuances the psychiatrist.
Awareness must translate into a change in behavior. The “jealous” will have to understand the origin of his jealousy. Work on self-confidence will surely be necessary to learn to trust the other and a fortiori, to restore trust in your couple.
Thanks to Bernard Geberowicz, psychiatrist and family therapist, author of “I stop being jealous (se)”, Eyrolles editions.
To read also: Jealousy, involved in excess alcohol?
Sick of jealousy: advice to get out of it
