Rather than resorting to emotional blackmail, establishing clear routines and showing empathy can be much more effective.
- Although emotional blackmail may seem effective in the short term, it has harmful consequences, generating insecurity and stress in the child.
- Instead of threatening to withdraw affection or privileges, a parent may choose to explain the reasons behind a request.
- A good way to avoid falling into emotional blackmail is also to show empathy by putting yourself in your child’s shoes to better understand their reactions and needs.
Emotional blackmail is a commonly used method to influence the behavior of others, especially among children. While it may seem effective in the short term, it has harmful consequences, generating insecurity and stress in the child. Fortunately, there are healthier and more constructive methods to encourage cooperation.
Recognizing emotional blackmail
It is essential for parents to know how to identify when they are falling into the trap of emotional blackmail. Typically, it occurs when affection or attention is made conditional on the child completing a task or performing a specific behavior.
Phrases like “If you don’t do this, I’ll be sad” or “You won’t get a hug if you don’t obey me” are emotional blackmail. They put emotional pressure on the child to meet the adult’s expectations, not out of understanding or agreement, but out of fear of losing love or attention.
Promote communication and explanation
Instead of threatening to withhold affection or privileges, a parent may choose to explain the reasons behind a request. For example, instead of saying, “If you don’t come take your bath right away, you won’t get a story,” it would be more beneficial to say, “Take your bath, and then we’ll have time to read a story together.”
This helps the child understand the importance of the action requested, such as washing to stay healthy, while preserving a pleasant moment in perspective.
Encourage empathy and offer choices
A good way to avoid falling into emotional blackmail is to show empathy by putting yourself in your child’s shoes to better understand their reactions and needs. For example, acknowledging that they may be disappointed to have to stop playing to come eat, but explaining that the meal is ready and that they can choose the chair to sit on or the glass to use, can greatly help to ease the transition.
Providing simple choices but also establishing a reassuring routine, such as set times for meals, play and bedtime, can help avoid blackmail to get your child’s cooperation.
Learn more: “Effective Parenting” by Dr. Thomas Gordon.