Tantrums are a normal part of child development and are especially common between 18 months and 3 years of age.
Crying, screaming and sometimes biting or hitting… Young children all go through this phase of development during which they have many tantrums. This stage, dreaded by parents, generally occurs between 18 and 36 months and corresponds to the time when the child begins to develop his autonomy. The cause? A brain that is still too young to be able to control his emotions.
What factors can trigger a tantrum?
Some children have more tantrums than others, and for a more or less long time ranging from a few minutes to an hour. This depends in particular on their temperament (a more assertive child will tend to have more), but also on their sensitivity to different stimuli in the environment. Children who are unable to express themselves well also tend to have them more often than others because they can be more easily frustrated. Overall, among the events that can trigger a tantrum in a toddler, we find:
-fatigue, hunger, excitement;
-feelings of frustration, anger (of course!), anxiety or fear;
– the obligation to do something he does not want to, or conversely the fact of not being able to do what he wants;
– times when he cannot accomplish a task alone (putting on clothes, opening a box, etc.);
-lack of vocabulary to express oneself;
-a feeling of loneliness and a need for comfort.
Strategies for dealing with crises in young people
While tantrums are difficult for the child, they are also difficult for the parents who may find themselves helpless. To help them, pediatrician Dr. Svetlana Pomeranets gives several tips:
– Even if it is not easy, you have to stay calm!Providing a calming physical presence, without speaking, can be very helpful.“, encourages the doctor.Gently placing your hand on the child’s shoulder or back may help.“Obviously, the child must understand that hitting or other things are not tolerable, but”The goal is to ignore the behavior while ensuring safety“. At home, it is therefore better to let the child overcome his crisis by himself.
– It is also possible to try to redirect the toddler’s attention: “Trying to address the trigger in the middle of a crisis will only prolong it.”, she explains.Offering choices or asking, ‘Why are you acting this way?’ can make tantrums more intense, like fanning the ashes of a smoldering fire.“It is therefore necessary to avoid discussing the child’s feelings at this time, at the risk of reinforcing the negative behavior. The best thing to do is to talk about something else with the child, about a pleasant event to come, or even to physically redirect him towards an activity that he likes.
– Do not give in.Don’t change your mind once you’ve said no just to end the seemingly endless tantrum. This will signal to your child that he will get what he wants.”, insists the pediatrician.
– Talk about emotions once the crisis has passed by naming your emotions and saying for example “I understand that you are angry or upset…The most important thing is to show empathy and give the child the means to express himself.
Preventing Tantrums
Avoiding tantrums is also a good solution to reduce tensions in the family. To do this, the pediatrician advises parents to identify triggers to avoid them, to be consistent in daily life (routine for meals and naps, etc.), to give the child a choice by offering them options that allow them to participate in decisions, to avoid boredom by offering original activities, to talk to them about transitions before they happen (for example, the fact that it will soon be time to sleep, etc.), and to focus on their basic needs for sleep and food.
Typically, tantrums decrease significantly by age four.
