Avoiding labels does not mean ignoring problematic behaviors, but rather choosing an approach that supports and values the child.
- Labels directly influence a child’s self-esteem. When an adult repeatedly calls a child “slow” or “temperamental,” the child may come to internalize this description as a truth about himself.
- When children feel judged or labeled, they may also lose confidence in their parents’ support and believe that their love depends on their behavior.
- When faced with disturbing behavior, it is essential to try to understand what is behind it rather than attaching a label.
Words have immense power, especially when repeated to children. Without realizing it, adults can label children with a label linked to disturbing behavior: “You are slow”, “You are capricious”, “You are clumsy”. However, these labels, often expressed out of frustration, can affect the image that the child constructs of himself.
The effect of labels on self-esteem
Labels directly influence a child’s self-esteem. When an adult repeatedly calls a child “slow” or “temperamental,” the child may come to internalize this description as a truth about himself. He may even engage in this behavior more, subconsciously believing that he is incapable of changing.
For example, if a parent regularly criticizes their child for being clumsy, the child may, instead of working on their motor skills, develop a fear of failure and stop trying to improve. The label then becomes an obstacle to its fulfillment and development.
The impact of labels on the relationship
In addition to harming self-esteem, labels can damage the relationship between parent and child. When the child feels judged or labeled, he is likely to lose confidence in his parents’ support and believe that their love depends on his behavior. This insecurity can weaken the relationship and create a climate of tension rather than trust.
For example, a child labeled “difficult” might feel misunderstood and stop sharing their emotions with their parents, thus making the situation worse. By avoiding these labels, you strengthen the bond of trust and facilitate more open and healthier communication.
Understand rather than judge
When faced with disturbing behavior, it is essential to try to understand what is behind it rather than attaching a label. A child may be “slow” because he is overwhelmed by his emotions when leaving for daycare, or “clumsy” because he is excited before an activity. In these moments, it is important to be interested in what he is feeling.
For example, instead of saying, “You’re slow,” you can say, “I see you’re having trouble getting ready this morning.” Is something worrying you? “. This will help your child become aware of his emotions while showing him that he is understood. Rather than judging him, he will learn to better manage what he feels and adjust his behavior.
Find out more: “At the heart of the child’s emotions: Understanding their language, their laughter and their tears” by Isabelle Filliozat.
