Advice for grandparents
As a grandfather or grandmother, are you allowed to set your own rules for your grandchild? Rules that may be stricter than the children are used to at home, or that give them more freedom? This is an important question, especially if you are a babysitter grandma or grandpa and you regularly visit the little ones. Some tips and advice.
“I used to be much stricter with my own children.” How often do you hear that said when you listen to today’s grandparents. Actually, that is also logical. As a parent, you are responsible for all aspects of parenting.
Staying consistent
Not only for the nice, but also for the less nice sides. You must set boundaries for your child and be consistent with them. You should reprimand and punish him as necessary, while he continually tries to see how far he can go in his naughty behavior.
Other role as grandparent
By the time you are a grandfather or grandmother, your role is different. The main difference with the past: you are no longer directly responsible for the upbringing. All difficult decisions are now basically the responsibility of the parents.
So you can focus on those things that children find so enjoyable. Going to the playground together, feeding ducks in the park, baking pancakes or whatever they want. For most people, this is a time to really enjoy.
Educational choices
But while you as a grandparent are no longer directly responsible for this task, you may occasionally frown at your children’s parenting choices. For example, what has happened to the peace, cleanliness and regularity of the past?
These days, those little ones are dragged everywhere. And eating what the pot is about was a great principle, wasn’t it? Why do they mainly get what they want? These are just a few of those examples that you may find yourself struggling with.
Your own rules
Of course, that doesn’t necessarily lead to difficult situations. Everyone raises differently and everyone has to experience for themselves what works best. Still, you may be wondering if you can set your own rules in your home.
Rules that may be stricter than your grandchildren are used to at home, or that give them more freedom. This is an important question, especially if you are a babysitter grandma or grandpa and you regularly visit the little ones. We are happy to provide the following advice.
Keep mom and dad’s rhythm with little ones
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With children under the age of three, it is important not to give too many contradictory messages. They don’t understand and it makes them insecure. So try to follow the rules of mom and dad. Do they always take an afternoon nap at two o’clock at home? Then at home too. Does your grandchild get a drink from his parents if he asks for it? Then he will get that from you too.
Older children understand rules
- Children who are a bit older understand much better that different rules apply to different people. For example, that he is spoiled a bit more with you. That ‘Grandpa Candy’ allows him to grab something tasty more often than at home. That he can sometimes stay up longer with grandma. Indulging is not a problem, but don’t overdo it and don’t let it become a habit. Otherwise, it will be very difficult for the parents to return to the order of the day. This is important advice, especially if you regularly babysit.
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Whether you want to apply milder or stricter rules, make sure you make clear agreements about this with the parents. Otherwise, only conflicts can arise. The last thing you want is for your grandchild to be the center of all sorts of arguments and misunderstandings. Or that your grandchild always behaves like an angel with you, but invariably turns into an unruly witch at home. (“I don’t have to eat my Brussels sprouts at Grandpa and Grandma!”) The clearer your agreements are, the more clearly you and the parents can say: “It’s like this at home, and it’s different with Grandpa and Grandma.”
Don’t force your choices
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Do not criticize your children for their parenting choices, especially in front of the grandchildren. Make sure that they can always turn to you for advice and advice, without forcing you to do so. Interference with upbringing remains a sore point. Moreover, the less you worry about all those parenting problems, the more you can enjoy the pleasant moments with your grandchild!
