My daughter has been in a relationship with a nice girl for quite some time, they seem happy and live together. Now they would like to have a child from an unknown donor. I would like to help them but it goes against my gut feeling. What can I do?
wife (46)
Jean-Pierre van de Ven, Psychologist at Korrelation:
You want to help and this goes against your gut feeling. This is called a conflict. It is never good, I think, to offer help to someone from a conflict. As doctors teach: primum non nocere, especially first it is important not to do any harm. A care provider who has doubts does damage if he is not honest about it.
Perhaps the trick is not so much whether or not to help, but rather whether you should always agree with your daughter. Is that right? And why? Can’t she have different views from you? And one more thing: would it be possible for her to get by, even without your help? Sometimes it is difficult for parents to see that their children can manage on their own. But maybe you should be proud of your child. She is going to accomplish something that you would have found difficult in her place.
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Correlation provides free advice and assistance to anyone who asks. This can be done anonymously, both by telephone and via email or chat. Psychologists and social workers listen, explain the problem, advise and, if necessary, refer you to a reliable specialist care provider. On working days you can reach us on number (0900) 1450 (€ 0.15 p/m, 9am-6pm).
