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Problems with the orgasm
The orgasm is something very natural, but certainly not obvious. A large proportion of women cannot come from penetration alone and men do not always succeed. Or it just happens to you much too quickly. Relaxation is very often the key word.
There are several orgasm problems. Difficulty or not ejaculating is one of them. There is also an orgasm without feeling: you will experience an orgasm physically, but you will not feel it. Ejaculating too quickly is also a common problem. And some men ‘suffer’ from a dry orgasm without ejaculation.
80 percent of women sometimes have difficulty ejaculating. More than a quarter of them consider this a problem and about 10 percent consider it a major burden. About 45 percent of men sometimes have trouble having an orgasm. For them, ejaculating too quickly is more common: 64 percent sometimes think it is too early. About a third regularly have problems with this.
Causes
There is usually no physical cause for an orgasm problem. However, it may be the case that you are no longer easily aroused by the use of certain medicines or hormonal changes (for example the menopause). Pain during sex and certain illnesses can also get in the way of orgasm. Dry ejaculation and ejaculation without feeling are more often caused by a physical cause, but this is not necessary.
However, emotional aspects play a role in most problems with ejaculation. Prolonged stress or tension can cause you to become insufficiently aroused. The urge to perform and perfectionism also has an influence, as does the desire to control.
Some people are ashamed of their bodies, have never been able and dared to speak freely about sexuality, or bear the consequences of a bad sexual experience or relationship. All these factors can cause problems in reaching the climax. It is very important that you know how your own body works.
And then?
Of course, you can’t easily solve every orgasm problem. It depends a lot on the cause. The doctor or a sexologist can help determine the cause, but you can certainly try a number of things yourself.
- Make sure the basic conditions are right. If you are going to have sex, make sure you have enough time and privacy. It is important that you feel like having sex and that you are relaxed. A body that is as fit as possible helps; so make sure you get enough sleep. Alcohol, drugs and cigarettes can also cause difficulty in ejaculating.
- Know what you like and say so. Let us know if you like something. Talking about sex and about your wishes can also be arousing, because every body is different and your needs can also differ. Especially if you are less comfortable in your own skin.
- Masturbation not only ensures that you know what you like, but also stimulates blood flow and sensitivity of the genitals. This also benefits the orgasm during sex with a partner.
- Exercising the pelvic floor muscles also stimulates blood flow around the genitals. By strengthening your muscles through, for example, Kegel exercises, an orgasm would also be easier to achieve.
- Use powerful incentives. A strong vibrator or lubricant can make the feeling more intense. For example, a woman often needs continuous stimulation to reach her climax.
- It is a common misconception that women mainly come from fingering and penetration. Most women only come through clitoral stimulation. By trying different ways and poses, you can find out together what is exciting and satisfying for both of you.
- Tiredness, tension, anger. All emotions that can get in the way of an orgasm. So settle any quarrels and try not to talk too much about unpleasant topics before having sex. Relaxation exercises can also have a positive effect.
- Concentrate on your own feelings. Of course it is also important to be busy with your partner’s pleasure, but take the time for your own orgasm. Certainly simultaneously cumming with a partner can be complicated that way and is not at all necessary. You can also cum or make love one after the other without orgasm.
- Above all, enjoy sex and each other. Provide long foreplay, allow arousal and sexual feelings, and forget about feelings of shame and inhibitions. A positive self-image is important. An orgasm is also during the ears. It’s okay to fantasize a bit to help yourself. Don’t feel guilty about that.
Finally
Good sex doesn’t always have to end with an orgasm for everyone. So don’t make it a must, because this also reduces your chances. Making love can also be very nice by playing with your arousal and cumming does not necessarily have to be the goal. By adjusting expectations, you are also less likely to suffer from performance urges or fear of failure.
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