At a time when blended families are more and more numerous, accepting a child from a previous union is never easy.
When parents separate, in more than two-thirds of cases, the children stay with their mother. However, whether they are in joint or sole custody, accepting their presence means confronting the past of one’s spouse.
What is the responsibility of the new spouse?
Legally, the new spouse has no legal status vis-à-vis the child of his partner. On the other hand, and he has responsibilities and duties towards him when he is present at home.
It is this ambiguity that often confuses and upsets the spouse and children in blended families.
How to find your place?
The child may see the arrival of the new spouse as an intruder who breaks intimacy after the pain of separation from his parents. More or less consciously, he may seek to defeat this new relationship, still hoping that his parents will get back together.
Gifts and smiles are not enough to find his place. The new spouse must be able to demonstrate both authority and respect vis-à-vis the parents of the child, hence the ambiguity of this particular position.
How to avoid conflicts?
A few rules allow everyone to find their place to live in better harmony:
· Have a legitimate place in the house with their own belongings, both for the spouse and the child;
· Define the rules of common life all together;
· Respect the child’s refusal while asking for respect in return;
· Take the time to get to know each other.
The more delicate the situation, the more important the dialogue is with the parent and the child to define the role of each. The new partner should feel legitimate enough to get tough when needed and show tenderness if they feel it.
Find out more: “The 50 golden rules of the blended family” by Emilie Devienne, Edition Les mini Larousse
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