Former porn addict, Florent Badou offers in a book a real method to get out of the impasse. Meeting with the author.
Porn addiction doesn’t hit you all at once, it happens gradually. We get used to his little evening porn to fall asleep. Then, we take it again on waking because of the morning erection. Over the months or years, the addiction comes without you realizing it. It is this process that Florent Badou dissects and recounts in a book Before I was addicted to porn (1). A 32-year-old Parisian engineer, married and father of two children, porn addict for 15 years, he explains to whydoctor the perverse effects of porn and how to break free from this addiction.
What was your porn addiction like?
Florent Badou : By an irrepressible desire to put myself on the Internet and to view pornographic images. I could masturbate to it up to five times a day. Some porn addicts can spend a lot more time in front of their screen, sometimes 4 hours.
When I woke up, without desire, without need, I started my day by masturbating in front of porn videos. It was mechanical, an enjoyment without real pleasure, accompanied by a feeling of loneliness, shame and guilt.
Why do it again since you no longer enjoyed it?
Florent Badou : Why does a smoker smoke? Why does an alcoholic drink? It’s complicated…Masturbation and the ensuing orgasm have an anxiolytic and soothing power due to the release of endorphins. We are calmer for a while but it comes at a high price. You have to increase the frequency or the dose, you have to start over. We live this in zombie mode. I was addicted to pornography and masturbation for fifteen years. I suffered terribly from this addiction. Today, I got rid of it.
What is the principle of your method?
Florent badoo : To begin with, I consider it essential to understand why we want to get out of it and to identify why we fall back into it. By better characterizing situations, we can anticipate and prevent them. I wanted to quit because I was losing all control over my life. I didn’t want to secretly masturbate when I woke up while my wife was having her coffee. I didn’t want to see women and men humiliated and degraded objects. Boredom and fatigue led me to see these images. I filled the void, I soothed the anguish. It was therefore necessary to fill the void in a different way, to soothe the anguish in a different way.
How did you do it?
Florent Badou : The British journalist Johann Hari asserts that “the inverse of addiction is not abstinence, but social connection. “I went on a diet, I started eating better, playing sports with friends, regaining my self-confidence… It really took me away from my impulses, it took me three years. For others, salvation can come from elsewhere, from an investment in culture, animals or an association. Above all, you must not lose heart, improvement is a slow process but you can get there provided you clearly identify the factors that lead to relapse and avoid them. Remember Pinocchio on the island of pleasures: it is when he becomes aware of the nature of this island and of what he is becoming that he finally manages to escape.
Is psychotherapy necessary?
Florent Badoo: You can’t do it alone, you have to ask for help. The classic treatment for sex addiction actually involves talking with the help of an addictologist. But you can also go through a support group like the Affective and Sexual Addicts Anonymous (DASA), which operates on the model of Alcoholics Anonymous. There is also theANPAA. This may be effective for some. As far as I am concerned, my psychologist was my wife, she supported me a lot. If you don’t have a spouse, it can also be a friend, the important thing is the support and external controls that are freely agreed.
You insist on external controls, what is it?
Florent Badou : Everything that can help you control your drive. You can put a parental control program on the computer (like K9 Web Protection software) that prevents you from accessing porn videos, much like a player would get banned from a casino. You can also change your phone and choose a classic device that cannot connect to the Internet. If you cannot part with your smartphone, there are solutions to prevent you from accessing certain applications during office hours (UBhind). There are even applications that send your browsing history to someone you choose, a person you trust and who accompanies you in this challenge (x3watch for example). This helps, it is never infallible. What is important is the will to persevere in a process of continuous improvement.
(1) Available on Amazon and Kindle. The website stopporn.fr complete this book.
Practical methods
The psychiatrist and addictologist Marc Auriacombe (University of Bordeaux) encourages Florent Badou’s approach and writes it in the preface to his book: “In the particular case of addiction to pornography, Florent Badou’s book provides advice, very practical and accessible suggestions and methods. Everyone should be able to find what is suitable for them in their particular case. The therapeutic stake, therefore liberating, is very well described. The freedom induced by freely consented external control is one of the bases of long-term therapeutic action”.
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Posted by whydoctor on Monday, February 8, 2016
