At any age, it is preferable to involve the child in the mourning of a loved one.
It is around the age of 6 that children truly become aware of what death is. However, even among the youngest, it is important to broach the subject and to speak openly about the death of a loved one by answering their questions.
How to accompany him in mourning?
At any age, your child needs to feel reassured and supported about what he feels and what he observes in those around him. He needs to talk about his feelings and understand that they are normal and part of grieving.
Even if it can be difficult to talk about it if you yourself are affected by grief, it is important to encourage your child to express himself, to listen to him and to put words to what he feels. You can use a medium such as a drawing, writing, music or whatever he likes to broach the subject and answer his questions.
Should he be allowed to participate in the funeral?
If your child wants to attend the funeral, let them, but don’t force them if they don’t want to. Inform him of the details of what will happen and what it means for the deceased person and those around him.
In any case, it is important not to lie to him but to answer him with clarity, calm and honesty on the questions he may have regarding the deceased or death in general. If you don’t have an answer right away, tell him you need to think about it but come back quickly with an answer.
It is above all the absence of an answer that will be a greater source of anguish for him than knowing the truth. This is why it is preferable to use the clear words of death and not to divert the subject with words from the register of sleep or travel which could make it more anxious.
When should you ask for help?
Do not hesitate to consult a health professional if your child develops sleep disorders, is afraid to be left alone, is more agitated, sadder or more anxious.
Find out more: “If we spoke of death” by Catherine Dolto, Colline Faure-Poirée and Frédérick Mansot, Mine de rien editions.
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